Friday, November 11, 2011

The Christian Man List

It's tough to be single.  If you are seeking marriage, you can't really seek marriage, you have to seek out friends that could be marriageable.  Also, I'm not familiar with the idea that guys take a look at you and think, "wow, that is marriageable material!" I wrote the following in response to a blog post by the very wonderful and erudite Jon Acuff, whose blog at www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike is a daily source of entertainment for me. 

Having been single, married, and now divorced (but I pray for love for my ex on a regular basis), I feel like I am well-qualified to write on this topic.  And for all those SCL guideline-loving people, this can be titled THE CHRISTIAN MAN LIST.
Of course, this is written from the perspective of a woman desiring to marry.  So all those haters out there who instantly want to attack this like white on rice, it’s okay, it’s not talking about you.  Unless it is.
THE CHRISTIAN MAN LIST ( to determine how marriageable you are, and definitely not an exhaustive list)
Attends a traditional church +1
Owns a house or living space +5
Attends a small group  +2
Wears a denim jacket +3
Attends a small group where he is outnumbered by women 4:1  -4
Attends a cool contemporary church +1
Wears metrosexual V-necks on a regular basis (doesn’t really tell you too much, but is fun to put in here given the audience)
Holds a job +2
Holds a job that would support a household without a second income +5
Lives at home with Mom -2
Lives at home with Mom because she is an invalid and he cares for her 24/7  +10
Entire casual wardrobe is Dockers and polos +1
Owns his own chainsaw +3
Has used chainsaw more than once +5
Can fix most household appliances +20
Can afford to pay someone to fix most household appliances +10
Does a one-hand praise and worship move +3
Involved in a ministry in which he physically has to work  +5
Uses the “phone ministry” to pick up women -10
Can fix most household appliances +20
Tries to help the homeless guy near your church +4
Likes BBQ +1
Likes to be the grill master +3 (just because it’s cute)
Has his own fantasy football league -10
Texts you in the morning about his quiet time and asks about yours +15
Can often be seen counseling beautiful women, holding her hand as they pray -8
 There you go.  It is what it is.  Did I leave anything out?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Princess Bride Life

As shocking as it may seem, there are people in this world that have NEVER seen Princess Bride.  In fact, I discovered that my own daughter has not added this cinema verite to her own life experience. I mean, if someone were to mention ROUSes, how would she know that it was a reference to rodents of unusual size? Or if someone cries out, "INCONCEIVABLE!"  she would not get it! How about if I kill one of the Florida state animals (roach, mosquito, lizard, spider) and upon examining it, proclaim that it is just "mostly dead"?  Another personal favorite is "Love, True Love" delivered as only a sinus-impaired priest can do. 

There are a whole host of movies I saw as I grew up that have been lost to part of this current teen/young adult generation.  I realize that the gory showdowns between Rambo, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Predator, and Charles Bronson and whatever street ruffian he was involved with pale in comparison to what today's gamers face, but there are some classic cultural references a person must be acquainted with.  I mean, I want my child to know that when I say, "Whatcha lookin' at, punk?  You feelin' lucky?" I am not trying to instigate conflict but rather make a cultural reference to Clint Eastwood.  I did feel pride when I saw one of my daughter's friends post a picture on facebook of herself in her front yard, boom box held high, John Cusack-style.  So perhaps there is hope.

But in the same regard, do I need to familiarize myself with current cultural references?  Do I need to know why some teens snicker and laugh when I affirm what a woman has proclaimed, i.e., "That's what she said"? Errggh.  Some things I don't want to know!  But I do want to make sure I use the right combination of D and L when describing something on the down low....or is it low down?  I never get it right.

Even if I can't keep something on the DL or the LD, I am definitely going to show my children Princess Bride.  If I can find my VHS player.