Skip to main content

My Driving Problem

I live in Jacksonville, FL, the largest city in the continental United States.  It is roughly 840 square miles wide.  It just seems much bigger when you drive it.   For example, for me to drive to work each day is 22 miles.  I take a suburban route because I don't like highway traffic.  However, I have a commute nemesis that I secretly dislike.

It's Dunkin Donuts.

I don't have an actual problem with the donuts themselves, although I do think they have a funky aftertaste and I prefer Krispy Kreme a whole bunch more.  It's more the people that go there.  And not actually the people, just their entitled sense of right of way to get in and out of the Dunkin Donuts parking lot.

Whenever traffic is moving and there is no cause to stop, it befuddles and maddens me to see perfectly good cars stop perfectly good motion to let people cross traffic to get to Dunkin Donuts.  Huh??? Is the need for baked goods so overwhelming and such a universal desire that there is psychic communication between drivers to stop the flow of traffic?  I apparently am not as spiritual as I thought, because I do not get that vibe in the vicinity of Dunkin Donuts.

And then there's the people who, once in possession of the Promised Land manna (aka donuts), have to zip out of the parking lot to deliver their little piece of heaven to whoever.  It's as if they think they are transporting organs for transplant. Edging their sedans and their SUVs out into traffic, as if suggesting that if I were really a nice person I would let them in. After all, they have VIDs (very important donuts) to deliver.

I happen to have a Christian-type decal on my car, so I have to show the love of Christ and let people in. Arrggh.  I don't do it with a happy heart.

So, if you happen to be driving in Jacksonville, which is highly conceivable for all 9 of my followers, go ahead, stop at Dunkin Donuts.  I will be at Krispy Kreme, having made a right turn into the parking lot without inconveniencing any other drivers.

Popular posts from this blog

I'm Sure Stranger Things Have Happened - Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead

If you have been a follower of the Flying Pants for a length of time, then you know I am not exactly  a supporter of online dating.  I just have personally had a pretty terrible experience.  But last year, about this time, after posting a blog entitled 10 Ways to Know Your Online Date is a Scam, I had a hailstorm of people writing and telling me that their brother's friend's mailman knew someone that had found LOVE on the internet.

So, as a response to this hailstorm, I set out to prove how hard it is to meet someone online with the Online Dating Diary posts (see a featured post to the right of this column).  I spent a month genuinely trying to contact men to make a dating connection and reported it back to you, the Flying Pants reader.

Those posts absolutely wrote themselves because I met so many weird/"interesting" men.  I still hear about Mr. Talks A Lot and the blind guy that liked to go to strip clubs.  In fact, I still hear about those posts and get requests to…

So Good News and Bad News.

Gentle reader, welcome to the 2017 Online Dating Diary.

This almost didn't happen.  I was seriously considering letting  Date Guy make me a one-man woman (see last post)  and that went down horrifically in flames because I am, quote, "a terrible person who doesn't regard other people's feelings."  (I probably should not have used quotes because that is not the actual verbiage.  But you get the idea.) We would have been going in two different directions on a very important topic and so after a fiery text message exchange, Date Guy is out of the picture.

So let me bring you up to speed.

I am already talking to Gorgeous, who is just that, and has a cute accent.  I am a little amazed that we are matched because he is just that gorgeous.  I have yet to do a Google image search on him because we talk frequently.  Another consideration is Ladies Love Country Boys, who is a business owner who has a veritable redneck paradise on the Westside -- he lives on a few acres a…

What A Girl (and a Guy) Wants - Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead #7

Thanks, Christina.  It's easy to say what a girl wants, but then how do you find what you're looking for, whether you're a man or a woman?  They say that there's an app for everything -- wouldn't it be great to have an app where you can make your perfect person?  Go through all your options and pick out what you like and have your person delivered to you in 30 minutes or less?

Alas, dating readers, it's a inevitable truth that finding your person is nothing like that.  In fact, it's more like you pick a few things and then you have to check an option called "Surprise Me" that delivers some hidden personality quirks or baggage later on in the relationship.

But thankfully we can arrive at a consensus of physical and personality traits that are generally considered desirable.  And thanks to roughly 138 of my single friends, we can get a general idea of what a girl (or a guy) wants.

The question I posed was, "What are the top three things you …