Skip to main content

Top 14 ways to eat a Butterfinger

Just a small sample of Lori's insanely large supply of candy
I'm lying.  There are actually not 14 ways to eat a Butterfinger.  I mean, there may be, but I know of just a few.

My partner in crime at work, Lori, keeps a ridiculously large jar of "bite-size" chocolates near her desk.  This is right next to the leadership poster that makes seagull noises to provide a soundtrack for the eagle pictured on the poster.  (Seriously, with stuff like this, my blog writes itself..... :)) Anyhoo, as I ate a bite-size Butterfinger in two bites rather than the self-prescribed one bite, cohorts Lori AND Charlene filled me in on the correct way to eat a bite-size Butterfinger, which is apparently to let the chocolate melt off in your mouth and then to daintily use your bicuspids to shave off parts of the candy until it's gone. 

This is in direct violation of my candy manifesto, which clearly states than any candy worth having can be eaten immediately without any required preparatory action, i.e., letting the chocolate melt off.  But this brought to mind a thought:  How many unique ways are there to do things?  For example, I do carefully remove the candy shell from plain M&M's before eating the chocolate center.  (This is the one proviso to my candy manifesto.)

How things should be
Ex-Boyfriend and I learned early on that we had a major, yet insignificant, difference:  I am a lid person, he is not.  In fact, at one of our first lunches together, he REMOVED the lid from my disposable cup while we were eating.  Now, as a person who has raised three children that were very close in age, I was immediately taken aback that a person would drink from a cup without a lid, because, as any mother knows, all small children must have lids.  Unless she enjoys cleaning up after said small children.  But E-B, never having had children and lived a normal adult life, did not feel the need to protect the table from a spill, which apparently is a normal assumption to make as a child-free adult. 

So how does a person develop this strong belief in what he does?  Is it over time?  Is it a result of a freak cup-without-lid accident?  Hmm. How many things are there quirky about me that I don't even realize? How many things about you are quirky that  you may or may not realize?  I also think that raisins that look like chocolate chips in cookies are a gyp, that meat mixed with sweet stuff is WRONG, and anything more than a micron-depth application of mayonnaise is gross. 

  
So what about you, out there in the blogosphere?  What is your quirky weird food thing?  Leave me a comment.  And I might just send you a Butterfinger.

Popular posts from this blog

I'm Sure Stranger Things Have Happened - Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead

If you have been a follower of the Flying Pants for a length of time, then you know I am not exactly  a supporter of online dating.  I just have personally had a pretty terrible experience.  But last year, about this time, after posting a blog entitled 10 Ways to Know Your Online Date is a Scam, I had a hailstorm of people writing and telling me that their brother's friend's mailman knew someone that had found LOVE on the internet.

So, as a response to this hailstorm, I set out to prove how hard it is to meet someone online with the Online Dating Diary posts (see a featured post to the right of this column).  I spent a month genuinely trying to contact men to make a dating connection and reported it back to you, the Flying Pants reader.

Those posts absolutely wrote themselves because I met so many weird/"interesting" men.  I still hear about Mr. Talks A Lot and the blind guy that liked to go to strip clubs.  In fact, I still hear about those posts and get requests to…

So Good News and Bad News.

Gentle reader, welcome to the 2017 Online Dating Diary.

This almost didn't happen.  I was seriously considering letting  Date Guy make me a one-man woman (see last post)  and that went down horrifically in flames because I am, quote, "a terrible person who doesn't regard other people's feelings."  (I probably should not have used quotes because that is not the actual verbiage.  But you get the idea.) We would have been going in two different directions on a very important topic and so after a fiery text message exchange, Date Guy is out of the picture.

So let me bring you up to speed.

I am already talking to Gorgeous, who is just that, and has a cute accent.  I am a little amazed that we are matched because he is just that gorgeous.  I have yet to do a Google image search on him because we talk frequently.  Another consideration is Ladies Love Country Boys, who is a business owner who has a veritable redneck paradise on the Westside -- he lives on a few acres a…

What A Girl (and a Guy) Wants - Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead #7

Thanks, Christina.  It's easy to say what a girl wants, but then how do you find what you're looking for, whether you're a man or a woman?  They say that there's an app for everything -- wouldn't it be great to have an app where you can make your perfect person?  Go through all your options and pick out what you like and have your person delivered to you in 30 minutes or less?

Alas, dating readers, it's a inevitable truth that finding your person is nothing like that.  In fact, it's more like you pick a few things and then you have to check an option called "Surprise Me" that delivers some hidden personality quirks or baggage later on in the relationship.

But thankfully we can arrive at a consensus of physical and personality traits that are generally considered desirable.  And thanks to roughly 138 of my single friends, we can get a general idea of what a girl (or a guy) wants.

The question I posed was, "What are the top three things you …