When Your Best Yes is a Dragging, Kicking, Screaming No


Ornery is a word that runs in our family.

My grandmother?  Ooh, ornery in her later years.  Very sweet, very southern, but could be very ornery.  My mom?  Very sweet, a godly saint.  But she wants what she wants.  And I see this trait starting to rear its stubborn head in my life.

But it just didn't start.  I have been ornery for some time.  And although I'm not so sure how biblical that cartoon is, I know that it describes my life at more than one time.  

I know so many Bible verses about waiting on the Lord and how God is always there and we're never alone.  But sometimes I just want to hold on to something so tightly that I go back into my little corner and pretend that if I just leave God alone, my life will go exactly the way I want it to and everything will be JUST GREAT.

It's just when the Holy Spirit pricks my heart and gives it a gentle nudge that I have to break down into tears of guilt and sorrow that I have been so, for lack of a better word, stupid.  I know God's Word and I know it to be true from my life, but I still lack the faith sometimes to totally trust that God does have the best plan.

Which comes to my best yes -- which is sometimes a more-than-reluctant no.  Knowing the best thing to do and not doing it produces the most guilt for me.  And the thing is, I do it over and over.  I can so relate with Paul in Romans 7:15:  "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Like me, he knows the best things to do and yet he does the worst things anyway.

But thanks to my study this week in The Best Yes, I have determined to be open to those things that mean the most, the things that God puts in my path. Like put down my stupid phone when I get home from work and really be there to talk to my family.  Like get an extra fast food biscuit on Sunday morning for the homeless person I know I will see between my parking and the church building. Like be sensitive to a friend who is talking to me and know when she really needs to talk.  

I have to slow down in order to see these things, but when compared to the rate of speed when you get dragged, I'm way ahead.

Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing. I am so glad I am not the only one who makes decisions and afterwards thinks, "What was that crap about? I KNEW better!" ;)

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  2. Sometimes when I get an occasional person who thinks I am godly, I want to say, "Oh, it's mostly because I have made a truckload of poor decisions that i had to learn from." Thanks for your comment!

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