When Your Best Yes is a Dragging, Kicking, Screaming No
Ornery is a word that runs in our family.
My grandmother? Ooh, ornery in her later years. Very sweet, very southern, but could be very ornery. My mom? Very sweet, a godly saint. But she wants what she wants. And I see this trait starting to rear its stubborn head in my life.
But it just didn't start. I have been ornery for some time. And although I'm not so sure how biblical that cartoon is, I know that it describes my life at more than one time.
I know so many Bible verses about waiting on the Lord and how God is always there and we're never alone. But sometimes I just want to hold on to something so tightly that I go back into my little corner and pretend that if I just leave God alone, my life will go exactly the way I want it to and everything will be JUST GREAT.
It's just when the Holy Spirit pricks my heart and gives it a gentle nudge that I have to break down into tears of guilt and sorrow that I have been so, for lack of a better word, stupid. I know God's Word and I know it to be true from my life, but I still lack the faith sometimes to totally trust that God does have the best plan.
Which comes to my best yes -- which is sometimes a more-than-reluctant no. Knowing the best thing to do and not doing it produces the most guilt for me. And the thing is, I do it over and over. I can so relate with Paul in Romans 7:15: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Like me, he knows the best things to do and yet he does the worst things anyway.
But thanks to my study this week in The Best Yes, I have determined to be open to those things that mean the most, the things that God puts in my path. Like put down my stupid phone when I get home from work and really be there to talk to my family. Like get an extra fast food biscuit on Sunday morning for the homeless person I know I will see between my parking and the church building. Like be sensitive to a friend who is talking to me and know when she really needs to talk.
I have to slow down in order to see these things, but when compared to the rate of speed when you get dragged, I'm way ahead.