Thursday, September 25, 2014

When Your Best Yes is a Dragging, Kicking, Screaming No


Ornery is a word that runs in our family.

My grandmother?  Ooh, ornery in her later years.  Very sweet, very southern, but could be very ornery.  My mom?  Very sweet, a godly saint.  But she wants what she wants.  And I see this trait starting to rear its stubborn head in my life.

But it just didn't start.  I have been ornery for some time.  And although I'm not so sure how biblical that cartoon is, I know that it describes my life at more than one time.  

I know so many Bible verses about waiting on the Lord and how God is always there and we're never alone.  But sometimes I just want to hold on to something so tightly that I go back into my little corner and pretend that if I just leave God alone, my life will go exactly the way I want it to and everything will be JUST GREAT.

It's just when the Holy Spirit pricks my heart and gives it a gentle nudge that I have to break down into tears of guilt and sorrow that I have been so, for lack of a better word, stupid.  I know God's Word and I know it to be true from my life, but I still lack the faith sometimes to totally trust that God does have the best plan.

Which comes to my best yes -- which is sometimes a more-than-reluctant no.  Knowing the best thing to do and not doing it produces the most guilt for me.  And the thing is, I do it over and over.  I can so relate with Paul in Romans 7:15:  "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Like me, he knows the best things to do and yet he does the worst things anyway.

But thanks to my study this week in The Best Yes, I have determined to be open to those things that mean the most, the things that God puts in my path. Like put down my stupid phone when I get home from work and really be there to talk to my family.  Like get an extra fast food biscuit on Sunday morning for the homeless person I know I will see between my parking and the church building. Like be sensitive to a friend who is talking to me and know when she really needs to talk.  

I have to slow down in order to see these things, but when compared to the rate of speed when you get dragged, I'm way ahead.