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Showing posts from 2016

Ketchup, Christmas, and You

Back in the day, when there were three regular TV channels and about five somethings called UHF channels, there was a commercial for Heinz Ketchup that used the Carly Simon song "Anticipation" --look it up on YouTube, kids -- to express the idea that Heinz ketchup was really good and worth waiting for (despite being a viscous solid that took forever to exit the bottle).  The anticipation was culinary agony, but the resulting ketchup was worth the wait.

I find that anticipation is terrible, but usually not worth the emotional lather that we work ourselves into prior to an event.  For example, if you have ever been on a blind date, the anticipation and time leading up to the date leaves you wondering who this person is, is he tall enough, is he funny, will it be all about him, will he think I am beautiful (well, duh), will I get spinach stuck in my teeth -- so many worst-case scenarios run around inside your head.  Then the actual date occurs and it was not even a small percen…

10 Ways to be the Perfect Guy

I'm an expert.
If you add up the years I dated, got married, and am now available to date again, you're looking at 34ish years of experience.  I'm not going to count my kindergarten boyfriend Wesley or my third grade love John or my fifth grade crush Tim.  But I think my collective experience makes me an expert kind of like how a doctor becomes proficient in his or her field.  Lots of practice.

I am fortunate enough to know a number of men who have outstanding qualities that I admire each of them for -- and thus, my list.  Note:  inclusion in the list does not imply there has been a romantic relationship, just admiration for a particular quality.

GUYS-- If you want to be absolutely irresistible to women, take my advice and work on the following:
1)  Be totally reliable and trustworthy. 
My friend Tom, even though we've never dated, is so admirable.  Our joke is that I am a damsel in distress and he is the knight in shining armor that invariably has rescued me on more …

6 Ways the South Can Change the Post-Election World

All of my life, I have been part of a very Southern family, with all of the good and bad that comes with that.  I've strung tobacco on a stick to be hung to cure and worn taffeta crinolines that swish when you walk. I've churned butter and been to a cane grinding. I've witnessed racism and experienced the greatest levels of hospitality.  Through all of this, I'm very proud to be an American.

I love that people put their hands over their hearts during the national anthem.  I love the spirit of the American people that brings them together when life gets really tough.  I love visiting the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and seeing the lone guard that stands watch over it, symbolically memorializing those that have been lost in battle but not forgotten.

With a President-Elect chosen, there are likely to be changes and some will affect how you live. 

There are countless problems in our country, and I could easily list what I believe the top ten without stopping for breath.  B…

Friends IRL

I have a delicious friend, and I say that not because I put her into a 350 oven for 15 minutes with some chocolate chips, but because she is always the first to think of good hostess-y things to do.  Once I stayed at her house and she put some Hershey kisses, a personal favorite, on the bedside table while I wasn't looking.  What a treat to find those when I went to bed that night!  

This post is about real friends, or as the title would imply, friends in real life.  (I feel a little hip and cool using it as IRL.  I think that's what the cool millenials are doing now.)  

How valuable is a good friend!  Spending time with another woman who gets you and your ADD, or your crazy love of impulsiveness, or your inherent need for rules, balances your wild ideas with practicality, or even a common love for coffee; a friend who will get that crazy inside joke from that time when you did that thing.  

For example, same delicious friend found the opportunity to move with her work and we pro…

5 Huge Mistakes To Make If You Meal Prep

For the last five months, I have been meal prepping.  For the half of the world that may not know what this is, meal prepping is basically planning ahead and cooking ahead for a few days, a week, or a month, depending on how crazy you are about planning and organization and how much freezer/refrigerator space you have.

I have also learned the hard way that there are some things you do NOT do in the process.  Gentle reader, I would like to spare you the mess and the clean up and the "A-HA!" moments that were little unwelcome surprises for me, much like when you show up to an event "dressy casual" and it's actually pretty close to "evening formal." So here are the mistakes I made and how you can avoid being cut-off shorts in a sequin world.

1.) Mistake:  Buy 1 package of containers.
If you are prepping for a week, you will need a plastic or glass container for every meal you prep and then smaller ones for snacks PER PERSON and then larger ones for prep-…

Yes You Can! 10 Encouragement Challenges for Families, Singles, and Teens

Who doesn't like to hear a good word about themselves?  I don't know of too many that don't!  Ironically, the people you spend time with the most are less likely to hear an encouraging word from you.  They should be the ones getting the brunt of your crazy encouragement superpowers!

Here are 10 Encouragement Challenges for just about anyone, but especially families, best friends, singles, and teens.

1.  On your commute to school or work, tell everyone in the car one thing that you sincerely like about him or her.  Then, everyone agrees to say at least one nice thing per hour to those at work or school until noon.
2.  Keep a stack of post-it notes at the place where you eat.  (Hopefully, this is a table.)  At breakfast, write down a number that will be your goal for how many times you plan to smile at people today. Put it in your place and check it when you eat dinner.
3.  If a special birthday is coming up, use a dry-erase marker or post-it notes to decorate the birthday p…

Letter to Lack of Simplicity

I think we started out with the right intentions, but I gotta tell you that things have gotten pretty screwed up. It seems like people live for what seems to be and not for what is right now.

Women spend hours looking at the internet and pinning things that they never plan on making or doing or that glorify the thigh gap, which is very un-mermaidlike IMHO.
 I personally have pinned many things on Pinterest, but it's funny things or inspirational quotes or things I actually have done, like recipes for a graduation party or decorating ideas for a 75th birthday party.
On the topic of Pinterest, why, if it is not picture perfect (like on the picture on the Internet), then is it a "Pinterest fail"? There's even whole websites for Pinterest fails.  I've seen some, and I can tell that the intent and the desire was there, but the interpretation needed more practice.  But not a total fail.
But here's the thing -- why does everything have to be perfect?  Why does a one…

Wrapping It Up

Okay, week four is over. Good news:I have lost pounds and 8 inches.  Bad news: I still have more to lose ! 
But not really bad news. I think this month has been really effective in learning how to incorporate exercise that I like into my life and how that having a group of people to do this with is the best ever. 
Not Going To Lie Department: do I still want to eat foods bad for you? Yes. But I can schedule a sneak in to my week and plan for it and look forward to it. 
So next month is still up in the air? What RealToLife experience do you want to hear about? I'm always open for suggestions.

RealToLife Week Three - Driving the Struggle Bus

Okay, if you are here to see how great I am doing with my weightloss effort, you may as well drop that expectation like pronto.  This week has been a week-long pass on the struggle bus.  But I have learned some valuable things.

1.  Some habits are better than no habits.
Up until, oh, two weeks ago, breakfast was a 32 oz. Diet coke/Coke and Little Debbie doughnuts from the Gate Store.  (yes, Herb Peyton, you can drop my endorsement check in the mail at your convenience.)  #Gate  This breakfast is roughly 400 calories of carbs and fat.  And a healthy dose of calcium-depleting soda.  Now, thanks to Beachbody, I am now consuming a delicious dose of a boatload of vitamins and lots of other stuff that is good for you.  And I'm doing it every day.  I think if I had to earn my way into Fitness Heaven, this is like 14 Hail Marys.  (Maries?  Help me out, English grammarians/Catholic people.) 

Another amazing thing I am doing is drinking the equivalent of a bathtub full of water every day. …

Next RealToLife.... Your help needed!

This month is super fun, don't get me wrong.... but next month is coming up soon and I need your help.

In the month of June, I will be attempting the most challenging of Pinterest projects.  I think I am pretty crafty, and have 22 Pinterest boards.  But I need your submission of a craft project or recipe that could be a huge success or a Pinterest-y fail out the wazoo. 

So... would you please leave me a link to a project that you think is Pants-worthy?  Leave it here or on my facebook.  Next week, you, the readers, will vote on what projects make it into Thunderdome.

Thanks so much!!! You all make this so much fun and I couldn't do it without you!

By the way.... still no online dating love.  It seems like I am getting number of responses from men of color ... is interracial dating a thing?  Or is it too stigmatic in the South?  Let me know.


RealToLife Week 2: A Vacation Foodnado Wrecks Havoc

So yeah. 
I would love to say that this week so far has been a win-win, but it's more like a when-when. When I plan to eat when I'm supposed to, it works out. When I exercise, it's great. But when life takes over, it's more like, when do you think you are going to lose weight doing this?

So when I last left you, gentle reader, I was riding high on a wave of euphoria, thrilled that I was able to rise with the sun to exercise.  I was feeling great and wanting to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  And then, Wednesday.

Coach Lindsey says it's toxins leaving the body, but they made a pit stop in my head and took up painful residence.  Like, I just want to take meds and a nap, in that order.  So no exercising Wednesday night.

Thursday we left to go to Panama City, avoiding the hordes of people descending upon our village like invading Norsemen, also known as the TPC, except they came in Mercedes and Tahoes.  It's a see and be seen; think Dick's Sporting Goo…

Flying Pants RealToLife: Week 1 with my Beachbody coach

Monday, May 9th, 2016.  This is the first day of the rest of my life.

That phrase has always perplexed me a little.  Yes, every day is really the first day of the rest of your life.  But I guess picking out one day to start something that you hope will change your life deserves a declaration.

In summary:

I work with an amazing Beachbody coach, Lindsey Owens, because I realized I can't do it on my own and need help.I have a flexible food plan and an exercise plan.This blog is not paid or sponsored by Beachbody.  

Monday began like many days do.... but let me back up.  Due to Mother's Day festivities, both my Saturday and Sunday were taken up with fun and frivolity, but kept me from doing my meal planning for this week.  I was able to catch up Sunday night, but by the time I got home from Publix at almost 10 pm I was not a fan of prepping food for the week.  So I didn't, because...

...I thought, wow, I am super excited, so there's NO way I will oversleep.  So of course I …

So about that.....

For the last six weeks, I have enjoyed writing and publishing the online dating blog series. 

I have planned to start a new series on me cooking, which are two words that are pretty funny together.  It kind of makes me chuckle just to type that.  And I started to do a video of me and my adventure with spaghetti squash.  It was a terrible video.  Like, my Facebook friends would unfriend me bad.  So I have another idea. 

Okay, not that idea.
I am starting a May Challenge Group with my amazing friend Lindsey Owens.  She is going to help coach me to wellness success.  I am going to diary my path to weight loss/wellness.  Part of me thinks I'm crazy to put this out there for everyone to see, and part of me knows that this kind of accountability may be just what I need!  My friends at Gallup polls say that 51% of adult Americans want to lose weight.  I know that the online dating thing was an encouragement to some, so I'm hoping that this month of diary blogs will do the same!

So …

Online Dating Diary - The End.

I'm kind of getting used to this. I scroll through guys, message some, hear back from one or two. Multiply that by a half-life of 4 days, and I figure I will have talked to 28 new guys by the end of this month, which frankly is 28 more previously unknown men than I have talked to in a super long time. I'm kind of weird like that, I'm not super outgoing with men I don't know. Men I know? It's Chatty Cathy time.

I started this week with what turned out to be a very short-lived but educational venture.  My plans were to run a profile of a beautiful, skinny woman and see what kind of response it would get.  I got Don Juan to find a pic of a woman that men would find attractive.  I attached it to a short n' shallow dating profile for this fictitious person, and then just let it go.  Pretty much immediately this fictitious person had 55 people trying to contact her and twelve men messaging her.  So it may be that my bait is not catching the right kind of fish!  But …

Online Dating Diary: The Word of the Week is Inappropriate

Oh my.  This has been another eventful week.  Yes, highly inappropriate at times, but as usual I have sanitized it to be mostly family-friendly.  But if you are an adult, you can definitely read between the lines.

Day 15:  This morning was actually pretty fruitful.  I messaged back and forth with two men, one of which doesn't even get a name because he was talking about his sex life within 30 minutes of meeting.  NO.  But the other is a sales guy throughout the year and at Christmas, does Santa gigs at places like Disney World, malls, etc.  He seems normal and likable and I am interested to see where this goes.  Of course, it's always like waiting for the other shoe to drop until you have known each other for awhile.  I mean, just in the last two weeks alone, how many times have normal men flaked out?  So it's ask questions and get answers.  Over. And over. And over again.
Day 16:  I am now figuring out that for every profile I look at (in search of the worst profile line…

Online Dating Diary: The Week of the Date

Aah, love.  Rewarding, yet oh so elusive.  This week has been not too far behind last week in weirdness, but in a different way.  Oh, and I have a date.  Kind of. And, as a suggestion from a reader, these fun people I meet will have a nickname instead of a number.  I admit, it is hard to keep up with who is who with a number.  But everybody remembers Mr. Talksalot, as bizarre as that was.

Day 8:  The day starts with #8 (Salt N Pepa) texting me to have a great day.  I respond in kind. 
I'm kind of nervous because I am not sure how Week 1 blog post will be received.  But as the day progresses, it seems that most people seem to have enjoyed reading it and that is a good thing.

The most eventful thing that happened today in Online Dating World is that #9 (the Young and Very Restless)  showed back up as a different  profile name and a different picture.  It seemed like a good idea to him for me to drive roughly 30 miles to his home to (and here's that word again) CUDDLE (which my f…

10 Tell-Tale Signs Your Online Date is a Scam

Dating is hard and often, nonexistent.  Can I get an amen?

The internet has made life so much easier in many ways and it attempts to make dating easier as well.  And by dating, I mean actual going-out-on-a-date, so I am not referring to websites whose primary goal is not dating and building a meaningful relationship.  Yes, Virginia, those do exist.

Online dating is one way to meet people that you otherwise may not meet, meaning that your paths do not cross in life.  This is good, but it can also be bad.  Meeting a complete stranger online means that you have no idea if what he or she is saying is true.  There are whole websites out there devoted to helping women and men find out if they are being scammed by a person they met on a dating website. 

Based on my unfortunately vast experience, I now submit to you ten ways to know if you are being scammed:
1.  Your new friend is deployed overseas. 
This is  unfortunate, as many men and women are actually deployed by the armed forces overs…

Online Dating Diary: The young, the old and the restless

After reading my diatribe on the dangers of online dating, I got a wave of comments on facebook telling me that a bunch of people had met their spouse online and I should give it a try again.  In the interest of journalism, I am going to give it a month and will document my experiences here on the Flying Pants.  Just to let you know, I am not contacting anyone who puts their religion as 'Non-religious" or Buddhist or something like that.  To protect the innocent and not-so-innocent, instead of names I'll give them numbers.

Day 1:  I write a profile and have a message before I can finish writing it!  But it was from the site telling me about all their great features.  Good to know. I am pleasantly surprised to see a number of good-looking men my age and they seem to want to contact me as well.  I message back and forth with a few when I happen upon the profile of a long-time friend (we'll call him #1) that I thought was in a relationship.  We strike up a conversation an…

Social Experiment Time

After my last blog post about 10 Ways to Know if your Online Date is a Scam, I heard from a lot of people that have found love on dating websites and their sister/ brother/ neighbor's friend is now married/ in a relationship/ ecstatically happy. 
Their response is something like "There's no way you have this much bad luck on a dating website," they say.  "You have to be making this stuff up."
Oh, if only I could make this stuff up.  It virtually writes itself into a blog of my life that is almost comical. 
So, in the interest of the common man (and woman), I am going to conduct a social experiment for a month where I legitimately try to make a love connection from a dating website that will go unnamed until the end, but it comes highly recommended to me.  I will make a diary, if you will, of my experience and I will publish once a week just to prove that there is a huge amount of crazy people out there.  But who knows?  I may just find a non-crazy.

So che…

Three Lessons from a Traffic Light

Like 14 trillion other people in the world, I have a commute from home to work every weekday.  Some statistical people say that we spend six months of our lives waiting at traffic lights.  So it seems normal that some kind of lesson should be learned during this six-month time frame. 

Here's three things to take away from your time sitting at a traffic light:
1.  Back off the caffeine already.
It is so inevitable that other drivers are going to be slower than you when you want to go fast, and other drivers are going to be driving way too fast and they need to stinking slow down, in your humble opinion.  And we all know that the person that is weaving in and out of traffic is going to be waiting for you at the next light.  So I would invite my gentle readers to just take a deep breath, calm down, and just take it easy.  It is all going to work out and you can get happy about it or you can stress about it.  I'd rather be happy.

2.  Don't worry, be happy.
If you look around …