Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Online Dating Diary - The End.

 I'm kind of getting used to this. I scroll through guys, message some, hear back from one or two. Multiply that by a half-life of 4 days, and I figure I will have talked to 28 new guys by the end of this month, which frankly is 28 more previously unknown men than I have talked to in a super long time. I'm kind of weird like that, I'm not super outgoing with men I don't know. Men I know? It's Chatty Cathy time.

I started this week with what turned out to be a very short-lived but educational venture.  My plans were to run a profile of a beautiful, skinny woman and see what kind of response it would get.  I got Don Juan to find a pic of a woman that men would find attractive.  I attached it to a short n' shallow dating profile for this fictitious person, and then just let it go.  Pretty much immediately this fictitious person had 55 people trying to contact her and twelve men messaging her.  So it may be that my bait is not catching the right kind of fish!  But I digress.  Shortly after I open it, I get SHUT DOWN.  I guess someone used that same tricks to find scams that I do!  So Hot Chick was very short-lived.

So instead, I want to tell you about this picture. This is my friend Courtney, who has also been online dating for the last month. She has also not met a single eligible man. I think you will agree that she is very pretty and I happen to know she is a professional and fun to talk to.  So it's all over the spectrum of women that are not meeting men on dating websites.

So, to this I say MEN!  GET YOUR COLLECTIVE ACT TOGETHER!  But that is too harsh.  I know that there are amazing men out there. I just know it.  But there are some men that missed out on some life training and that I blame on society.  But it's not too late to change!


As I wrap this up, I have learned a lot about myself and the general nature of people.  I think that I no longer take the cake for the Original Schmoozer.  There are some men who deserve this title so much more than I! But for as many schmoozers as there are, there is an equally sized group of men whose smooth talker Betty Crocker move is to write a message with one word, usually monosyllabic, like, "hi" or even "hi there." I'm underwhelmed.

In review, I'd like to steal a skit idea from the Tonight Show, Thank You Notes. I'd like to write some thank you notes of my own...
Thank you, "cuddling," for being the most misused word in online dating vocabulary.
Thank you, Mr TalksaLot, for being a 10 on the crazy scale and providing so much material for my blog.  Your ridiculous assumptions have brought many chuckles not only to me, but many.
Thank you, plentyoffish.com, for hosting the hopes and dreams of many single people.  And for being kind of free.
Thank you, guys I didn't like, for showing me that I can afford to be picky and date someone that is similar in values and likes.
Thank you, Salt N Pepa, The Young and Very Restless, Night Shift, and Broody Good Looking for being an amazing baptism into the world of online dating.  It's only through you that I realized that this world is pretty unpredictable and you gots to go with the punches.
Thank you, ridiculous profile lines, for your uncanny ability to reveal oh-so-much-more about the person than just what he wrote.
Thank you, Blind Guy, for introducing what will sure be the next "why did the chicken cross the road" conundrum.  Making readers wonder why a blind guy goes to a strip club has no doubt kept many a reader up at night.
Thank you, Chef Guy, Santa, Football Fan, and Chicken Farmer for being nice guys who didn't ask if I like to cuddle.
Thank you, ip2location.com, for helping me see through three wannabe scammers.
Thank you, Tow Truck, Gainesville Police Officer, No Habla Espanol, and Big Stupid for making me appreciate my time, especially since I wasted it talking to you.
Thank you, Don Juan, for making me think about this in the first place.  I hope you attract drama-free women.
Thank you, swipe right/left, for being the most shallow and superficial way to meet people.
And....
Thank you, amazing readers, for walking this road with me. 

Even though I didn't find love, or even like, I can only assume that something better is waiting out there for me. In the meantime, if you know or meet an amazing godly guy, let me know.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Online Dating Diary: The Word of the Week is Inappropriate

Oh my.  This has been another eventful week.  Yes, highly inappropriate at times, but as usual I have sanitized it to be mostly family-friendly.  But if you are an adult, you can definitely read between the lines.

Day 15:  This morning was actually pretty fruitful.  I messaged back and forth with two men, one of which doesn't even get a name because he was talking about his sex life within 30 minutes of meeting.  NO.  But the other is a sales guy throughout the year and at Christmas, does Santa gigs at places like Disney World, malls, etc.  He seems normal and likable and I am interested to see where this goes.  Of course, it's always like waiting for the other shoe to drop until you have known each other for awhile.  I mean, just in the last two weeks alone, how many times have normal men flaked out?  So it's ask questions and get answers.  Over. And over. And over again.
Day 16:  I am now figuring out that for every profile I look at (in search of the worst profile lines ever), that person sees that I have looked at his profile.  So I am getting a lot more messages today, but not necessarily from people I would like to get them from!  There are a number of screen names that are not family-friendly; but if you are wondering, just put together a word for a piece of anatomy and an adjective.  And maybe a number.  No.  All the nos.  In fact, sometimes I read profile names and I am befuddled and amused at the same time that this person thinks this is a great way to represent himself to a person he does not yet know.  I blame it on the 80's.  Oh my, what a decade.  Anyway.... I meet today a cute guy who includes in his profile that he has 27 chickens.  And one of his pics reveals that he can do that one-raised-eyebrow thing.  This is enough for me to message him.  He is interesting, funny,  a little cheesy, and hasn't brought up any inappropriate topics.  Let's call him the Chicken Farmer.
Day 17:  Btw, Santa has not contacted me again.  Kind of odd, but not unpredictable.  I'm learning that there are not actually many people that go on dates from websites.  I am starting to think that they are statistical anomalies, these dates.  But this social experiment is to show how difficult it is and how crazy people are.  BY THE WAY -- Mr. New York finally emailed me, so I of course ran his email header through a program that tells me where his IP is.  He says he is on an oil rig in Alaska?  How about INSTEAD he is is Dublin, Ireland?  Block!  Does this make two or three scams I have deflated this month?  I was pretty sure Mr. New York was a scammer, but I had to play it until I could get some hard information.  He. Is. A. Sorry. Dog.  Just in case you want to know how to find this website that will interpret the lines of HTML to tell you where an email is coming from ... http://www.ip2location.com/free/email-tracer .  I talk to the Chicken Farmer again today.  So far, so good.
Day 18:  I nail yet another person I met on this website, using the link above.  He's in Daytona Beach?  More like Washington State.  So, because I'm a little evil, I email him back and tell him I will be in Daytona next week and would love to meet him for coffee.  Can't wait to hear the excuse he'll use.  I'll make him squirm a little and try to nail down a time for when I can come have coffee with him before I block him. It's probably a little strange that I want to do this, but I take a guilty pleasure in seeing how scammers try to cover who they are.  Today also brings me in to contact with Florida's version of Snoop Dogg, who has this kind of snarly grin pic as his default pic.  He messages me, so I respond that his pic is a little scary.  This turns into a mini-counseling session where I advise him to be himself and the really good women will find that attractive, and the shallow, high maintenance women that he has been attracting to his snarly-grin pic will go away.  He seems to take it to heart.  I also get a message today from a man who writes in Spanish mostly, despite my "No habla espanol."  I get a Spanish-speaking friend at work to help me translate, and when I show her his pic, she knows him!!!! As lovely he as seems, he is 5' 3," which would never work with all of my awesome five feet and nine inches.
Day 19:  I meet the Football Fan, who looks like your typical Southern lawyer or banker who likes him some SEC football. We message, and he is cordial and funny.  I'm hoping he is an actual person.  More from the Chicken Farmer.  He's still funny and appropriate.  I'm hoping he is also an actual person.  Keep in mind that these two supposedly live in my area, so it could possibly happen.  But I'm putting less and less stock in actually meeting people, as it seems like a hard thing to do.  I consulted with my friend Don Juan this week, and he has confirmed that his experience has been the same -- lots of talking, not much meeting.  Are people lazy?  Don't care?  I think if I put my information on a dating website, I would actually want to meet people.  But maybe it's the whole fear-of-rejection thing.  I have to keep in mind that not everyone is super extroverted like moi.
Day 20:  Today is the day of the Gainesville Police Officer and the Tow Truck Driver.  They deserve just about that much mention, nothing more.  I would probably fall over dead if I heard from either one again.  There was just not that much interest.  On the up side, I hear from Chicken Farmer.  Just a few brief messages, so this may be reaching its dating website half-life.  Honestly, he seems great, but I really would like to see a little more initiative.  I mean, if you like talking to me, and you've already seen my pics, so let's make a date.  Seriously, my thought is that if you are just biding your time and hanging out, you are not the one for me.  I have been seriously pursuing this whole dating-website-thing and yes, it's a fun blog to write, but I would be thrilled to meet someone amazing.   My humble opinion is that there are 4 types of men in Jacksonville:  married, gay, and completely self absorbed.  The fourth?  He's that amazing, awesome guy that I would love to meet and at least be friends with.  I figure that this super-category makes up about 3% of men in Jacksonville, so they are few and far between.  I actually know an amazing man like this, but every time I talk to him I end up doing something stupid or not being as cool as I would like.  And plus, I think he knows he is amazing and amazing looking, so I don't want to act like I am hanging around because I want to date him.  Even though I would.  Yeesh.  Is actual life more complicated than online dating?  Maybe so.
Day 21:  I thought today was the day.  I get a message from an attractive man who is employed and professes to be a believer and is witty and conversational.  I am home sick today and can function with my head in exactly one position, so I am voice-to-texting a lot today.  I succumb to the sinus meds I take, and later on he messages me again.  To make a long story short and a lot more family friendly,  his intent for a relationship is much more involved than I care to be outside of marriage.  Random thoughts:  1) He says this on day 1 of knowing me?  Perv, and so inappropriate.  2) This is your dealbreaker?  Wow.  No.  Not if you were the last man on earth.  3) This is your dealbreaker after not dating for a self-professed nine years?  I just don't even have words for this, except that forever and here on out you shall be known as Big Stupid.

As promised, I have researched (i.e., read about 200 profiles) men's dating website profiles and this is the best of the worst.  Each one of these is from an actual profile on the site I am on.
DEALBREAKERS:
"No cats -- they're evil and I'm allergic."
"Only one duck face per person, ladies -- everyone knows you're just trying to make your face look skinny." (editorial note:  I thought people did these to make their lips look bigger.  Not aware of the skinny thing. )
"No couch potatoes; I like a little cottage cheese on my salad but not on my lap."
"Please, no gold teeth, excessive jewelry, ridiculous hairdos, or tattoos on your face."
"If you think that 401K is a singing group, you're not for me."

Just odd or funny:
Advertisement for a fireworks business in the middle of a profile
"A relationship is more than just chemistry and affection .. it's about caring, affection, and putting the seat down."
"ruler of known universe seeks partner"
(from same profile as above) "must enjoy galactic domination, spending time with a person with no filter, and long walks on the beach."
"Let's talk; I am very anti-stalker."
"Looking for my emotionally available other half."
"I like turtles." (NOTHING ELSE WAS WRITTEN.  THIS WAS IT.)
"I love to pamper my woman by painting her toe nails and her finger nails, running her bath water after a long day's work with a full body massage."  (Editorial note: I promise that there must be a school for how to be so inappropriate on a dating website profile.)
"okay, if I run into one more online hooker on this site I will jump off a roof this is not a site to sell your body."
"I don't mind if you have a stuffy corporate job as long as it doesn't run your life." (Editorial note:  I read this as: "You can support me as long as you don't complain about it.")
"Let's say that you're about to have a bowl of cereal but all the milk you have spills on the floor.  Do you cry over spilled milk or do you pour cereal on the floor and enjoy?"
"If we meet and you don't look like your picture, you're paying for the drinks until you do."
"You don't need 50 Shades of Grey when you can have one Shade of Black every night."

Thanks again so much for reading.  Thanks to all my friends in Israel, all 1127 of you!  Shout out to readers in China, Russia, Finland, Turkey, Belgium, and Great Britain.  I have no idea how you even know about the Flying Pants, but thanks for reading.
Next week will probably be the most explosive week ever, as I am doing something radically different to further prove how hard it is to find love on the internet.  Stay tuned for our final and biggest week next week!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Online Dating Diary: The Week of the Date

Aah, love.  Rewarding, yet oh so elusive.  This week has been not too far behind last week in weirdness, but in a different way.  Oh, and I have a date.  Kind of. And, as a suggestion from a reader, these fun people I meet will have a nickname instead of a number.  I admit, it is hard to keep up with who is who with a number.  But everybody remembers Mr. Talksalot, as bizarre as that was.

Day 8:  The day starts with #8 (Salt N Pepa) texting me to have a great day.  I respond in kind. 
I'm kind of nervous because I am not sure how Week 1 blog post will be received.  But as the day progresses, it seems that most people seem to have enjoyed reading it and that is a good thing.

The most eventful thing that happened today in Online Dating World is that #9 (the Young and Very Restless)  showed back up as a different  profile name and a different picture.  It seemed like a good idea to him for me to drive roughly 30 miles to his home to (and here's that word again) CUDDLE (which my friend Christine so aptly defined yesterday as, well, another physical act that is not cuddling).  I can't say no enough ways in my head but respond that I would instead love to meet him at Starbucks for a beverage.  I think this is the end of the Young and the Very Restless, because his intent is clearly not to develop a friendship.  So wish him goodbye; he's on the slab.


Day 9:  Salt N Pepa texts me.  Good morning to you as well, I text.    He is just a very nice man that seems to have good intent.  But time will tell. But lo and behold,  #10 (Night Shift) is breaking forth on the scene as the man to beat, as he is texting and calling pretty regularly.  It seems like we really have a lot in common in regards to our spiritual beliefs, which is extra cool.  We actually set a date for Sunday night!  Woo hoo! Exciting but a little nerve-wracking too. 

Day 10:  Night Shift is Johnny on the spot with the morning text and later on, we talk on the phone about 4 different times.  I look at my phone and it tells me that I have spent several hours talking to him!  What kind of seventh grade is that?  LOL!  But it's nice to talk to someone you have so much in common with.  I message a few new guys, one of which responds and wants to know if I am 420 friendly.  No, I am not.  Apparently this is a dealbreaker for him.  Keep in mind that I am only responding to men who self-identify as "Christian-Other," "Baptist," or a like denomination.  I wish I had a filter to right away "weed" out those who are 420 friendly.
Day 11:  My mom and I take a day trip to see 4 aunts, 1 uncle, and a partridge in a pear tree.  (Just kidding about the partridge.)  I find a profile that bills its owner as 69% Gentleman, 31% Bad boy.  By reading the profile, he does seem more like 50/50.  It fell apart for me when he wrote, "But I am a breast man and a Christian, not in that particular order."  And then, "I'm smarter than I look."  Oh my.  Too much information presented in a weird way and perhaps an overassumption.
This website also has a function wherein you look at a picture only and either give it a yes, meaning you want to meet this person, or a no, meaning you don't.  And there are countless men to get through.  So I start to develop criteria: 1) If the picture has the head cut off, NO.  If he has a child in the pic, YES.  Too young?  NO.  Too old? NO.  Blurry pic? NO.  Friendly smile? YES.  Weird hair?  NO.  Picture of a car only?  NO.  Picture of him and a fish? YES. Looks too much like a surly James Dean? NO, and so forth and so on. I can only imagine the criteria men come up with!  But if you YES on someone that YES'd you, you get a notification, which to me means that superficially you think the other person is okay.  Then you'd have to read the profile to see if he meets criteria then.  So after twenty minutes of swiping, I may have culled out one or two, maybe three men.  This IS elusive yet rewarding, right?  I'm not so sure.  Later, I talk to #10 when we get home from our day trip and we talk for about 2 hours.  Everything is going great. 
Day 12, Date Day:Yay church!  It's a fave.  I am so excited about my date tonight with Night Shift and I tell a friend at church who had read the blog last week about mah big date.  After church I drop by Stein Mart, the home of everything truly cute, and find a cute shirt that has my favorite style of neckline, that I can wear tonight, and I can also wear to work this summer.  Annnnnnnnd then.....I get a text from Night Shift.  He has to go to his mom's later that afternoon and can't meet me.  UGH.  DISAPPOINTMENT.  I now remember why I am not a fan of dating.  But I'm like, whatev.  Sounds pretty shifty. I meet my mom and sister and her family for lunch and the first thing out of my mom's mouth is, "I let the cat out of the bag!" (referring to the miraculous occasion of me actually going on a date) and I tell her, well, we are going to have to round that cat up because the date is OFF.  In true supportive family fashion, I am, by their advice, better off/dodged a bullet/feeling God's protection, not rejection. So I don't hear from Night Shift the rest of the day.  So back to work I go, scouting profiles and sending messages. I message 4 new people and talk to two people I had previously contacted.  Mr. New York, a previous contact, is charming and funny.  We message for quite a while.  I also message #7, (The Chef) that played rugby.  No response.  A new contact is a teacher who seems really interesting. Later, while I'm walking the dog for the last time, I message my good friend for advice about profiles.  We'll call him Don Juan.  (That's the name  he picked when I told him I was writing him into the blog as "the friend.")  So apparently I am responding well to messages and doing all the right things, from a guy's perspective. 
Day 13:  So this morning, in the parade of guys that scroll by on my dating website app, I see a cute guy and read his profile.  I get to the second paragraph and this cool profile is written by a guy who is blind.  This caused me to stop a minute and say to myself, what do I do here?  What if he is really amazing?  So I message him with my normal spiel and he responds.  He is funny and talkative and confident.  I think I would be stupid to not get to know him.  So we message and text and at the very least this is going to be an amazing friendship.  I ask stupid questions about being blind and he is totally cool.  And he makes blind people jokes.  So funny, not deprecating. 
Salt N Pepa texts me to see how my day is.  It is great.  When will I be home tonight so he can call me.  I say 6.  We'll see if he calls.  I have found that he and I will talk and then not talk for a day or two, which is fine. 
Fortunately I have not run into too many crazy people this week.  No one has asked to be my roommate this week, thank you Jesus.  But still haven't heard from Night Shift after he canceled our date, which is weird since we were talking a lot.  I guess this is his passive aggressive way of saying, I don't want to get to know you.  Fortunately, I am wearing my big girl panties and I am over it.
Day 14:  Yesterday was an interesting day.  Blind Guy apparently is in a lot of transition, ending a marriage, having his house foreclosed upon, going to college, and starting a business.  From my life, I know that a lot of transition needs a lot of focus and no distraction.  So I tell him this and he seems okay with it.  Plus, I didn't really care for the trip to the strip club he mentioned, primarily because I think it is denigrating to women and objectifies them as having one purpose.  Oh, and MrTalksaLot texted me again, to tell me I'm beautiful and how we should be friends.  Um, no.  Mr. New York texts me and has been busy with work, or in Online Dating World talk, has been pursuing other people and they didn't work out.  I know!  Harsh!  But it's a thing.  I do it. But my friend Don Juan did tell me that someone you meet online generally has a half-life of 4 days.  So basically, if nothing has happened in a week, it probably won't. 


I had several people last week comment on how long it must take to meet someone that you would actually want to date.  Never a truer truth was spoken!  It's frustrating, and to come up with a message that is a witty three or four sentences that reflects some aspect of his profile that is interesting but not too heavy is quite a task.  So next week, in addition to the drama of trying to find true love on a dating website, I am going to be highlighting the best of the worst in profiles that men have written.

Until then, gentle readers, keep your eyes open for amazing single men.  I might need some help. 

10 Tell-Tale Signs Your Online Date is a Scam

Dating is hard and often, nonexistent.  Can I get an amen?


The internet has made life so much easier in many ways and it attempts to make dating easier as well.  And by dating, I mean actual going-out-on-a-date, so I am not referring to websites whose primary goal is not dating and building a meaningful relationship.  Yes, Virginia, those do exist.


Online dating is one way to meet people that you otherwise may not meet, meaning that your paths do not cross in life.  This is good, but it can also be bad.  Meeting a complete stranger online means that you have no idea if what he or she is saying is true.  There are whole websites out there devoted to helping women and men find out if they are being scammed by a person they met on a dating website. 


Based on my unfortunately vast experience, I now submit to you ten ways to know if you are being scammed:
1.  Your new friend is deployed overseas. 
This is  unfortunate, as many men and women are actually deployed by the armed forces overseas.  Ask for their address.  They should be able to give it to you without any reservation.  No one is on such a remote or top-secret base that they cannot give out their address. For real. The address for an American armed forces person should resemble something like this:
PFC JOHN DOE
PSC 3 BOX 4120
APO AE 09021
If he or she can't give you an address, walk away. Quickly.
2.  As an aside to #1:  If he or she asks you to use a freight forwarder or any kind of go between for mail, you are being scammed.  It sometimes may take a while for mail to get to our deployed men and women, but the United States gets it done and does not need any help from the schmoe down the street from the base.

3.  Your new friend uses colloquialisms and phrases that don't sound like anyone else that speaks English uses.  Does he refer to an elevator as a "lift"?  There are a thousand examples, but if the way your friend writes or speaks does not sound like normal American English,  you're being scammed.

4.  Undoubtedly your new friend has posted a picture of himself.  Save this picture to your hard drive, then go the Google home page, click on Images, and then click on the little camera icon in the search bar.  Click on Upload An Image and then browse your computer and click where you saved your friend's picture.  Google will search every image it has to find ones that look like it.  If there is one exactly like it, find out where that picture came from and if it is indeed your new friend.  If it is not your friend but rather a regular guy from somewhere in Iowa or wherever, you're being scammed.


5.  If you suspect that your new friend is maybe not who he or she pretends to be, you can trace where their email came from.  Using the IP address and the header, you can learn a lot more about your new friend.  http://whatismyipaddress.com/trace-email  If it turns out that your email from your new friend has a forged header, or if their email does not come from where it should,  you're being scammed.
6.  Love, sweet love.  Who doesn't want to fall in love?  Everyone wants to be in love!  But if your new friend falls head over heels in love with you in a week or less, you're being scammed.  And I know this sounds soooo cynical.  But isn't it a good idea to take it slow with someone you know nothing about, except what he or she tells you? 
7.  I shouldn't even have to write this, but if someone you meet online asks for money, don't walk, RUN away quickly.  And in a different scenario, if your deployed overseas friend needs to sell his motorcycle to be able to pay for his mother's hospital bills, and wants you to accept the check for the motorcycle and wire the money to him, (since after all, he is deployed overseas and doesn't trust the mail system) RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.  CHANGE  YOUR EMAIL.  This is a classical ruse.  You deposit the check, it could even be a business check, and wire the money.  Well, guess what?  The likelihood of your check bouncing is about 100%, and you are stuck holding the bag for whatever amount you wired.  This did not happen to me, thank goodness, but I have heard that this has happened many times before.
8.  Let's pretend that you and your new friend have been corresponding and texting and he seems pretty normal and uses standard English and doesn't want money.  Do you know any facts about him that can be googled?  If not, you may want to find out why.  This is pretty typical of the married man who is on dating websites and is a LOW-DOWN, NO GOOD CHEATER.  Walk away fast, because a man you met while he was cheating on his wife will do the same thing to you. 
9.  One sure sign of a scammer is that he or she will want to chat with you off of the dating website as soon as possible.  Often he will suggest Yahoo  chat or Google  hangouts or any chat.  He or she may even want to Skype.  If your new friend doesn't want to chat on the dating website, it's likely that he or she is trying to not be caught in their same old tired tricks that dating websites are on the lookout for.
10.  If your new friend seems to be absolutely everything you would ever want in a date, then tread carefully.  The phrase "too good to be true" didn't make itself up.  If you are online, unless you have your security settings locked down tight, you are pretty much an open book.  You know how you google someone new to find out more about him?  It works both ways.


And despite all of this, I still believe in love.  But I don't think I'll find it on a dating website.  But good luck to you and may Cupid's arrow fly straight and true to your heart. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Online Dating Diary: The young, the old and the restless

After reading my diatribe on the dangers of online dating, I got a wave of comments on facebook telling me that a bunch of people had met their spouse online and I should give it a try again.  In the interest of journalism, I am going to give it a month and will document my experiences here on the Flying Pants.  Just to let you know, I am not contacting anyone who puts their religion as 'Non-religious" or Buddhist or something like that.  To protect the innocent and not-so-innocent, instead of names I'll give them numbers.


Day 1:  I write a profile and have a message before I can finish writing it!  But it was from the site telling me about all their great features.  Good to know. I am pleasantly surprised to see a number of good-looking men my age and they seem to want to contact me as well.  I message back and forth with a few when I happen upon the profile of a long-time friend (we'll call him #1) that I thought was in a relationship.  We strike up a conversation and we end up going out that night.  Nice, fun, but I don't have a lot of expectations for it basically because I don't think he is really attracted to me, it was just fun to go out.  Oh, and today I am officially told by Mr. #2 that "we don't seem to enjoy the same things" from a different guy who wanted to know did I want to do a 50 mile bike ride Saturday and then do a 5K on Sunday? Did I also want to kayak in the ocean?  No, I do not.  I'm one of those people that if you should happen to see running, you should start running too, because a T Rex or a zombie is not too far behind. So outdoor enthusiasts are not going to be my target group.. 
Day 2:  I get a nice text from a guy (#3) that seems to be pretty great.  I give him my alternate to my  alternate email so I don't give out too much info about me personally.  And then, of course, using my own tip of CHECK IP ADDRESSES,  I see that his email originates from Singapore, not Southern California like he says he is from.  Shock and awe.  Let me go put on my surprise face.  The day was topped off by #4, who wants to be momma's bad boy and get spanked, in addition to some other things too weird for me which I will omit to make sure this blog is as family friendly as possible. Ugh.  No.  Really not. My good friend #1 calls to see how I am and basically to make sure I was not expecting a relationship to blossom from our one date. Annnnndddd.... I'm not. Today I also messaged two men that look normal and nice.
Day 3:  I wake up to two short and sweet messages (like 2 sentences) in response to messages I sent.  Nice enough, but not enough activity to warrant a number.  I did read a funny-in-a-hypocritical way profile.  This does warrant a number because I because I just found it shockingly hypocritical.  #5 starts his profile with "If you judge a book by its cover, you may miss a good read."  Frankly, his pictures he has posted would make you think he is a redneck and a half/thug, but he says he is so much more and give him a chance.  Later on in his profile, he is very clear that he works hard to stay fit (when he's really more like skinny, and frankly, everyone knows how much easier it is for men to lose weight than women), and "if you can't take care of your body like I do please don't respond. Not being mean just keeping it real."  If you mean really hypocritical, then yeah, he is keeping it real.  So I'm not supposed to judge him by what he looks like, but he can judge instantly a person's worth and value by how thin she is?  Two ideas pop into my head:  1) Anorexia much?  2) This may be indicative of other ways he is a jerk.  Regardless, he is a veteran, so I messaged him and thanked him for his service to our country.
#3 update:  I ask him why his email is coming from Singapore, and his response is that he did email someone in Singapore for business and maybe it's an internet problem.  #unlikely #scammer  Hopefully this is enough for him to not contact me again.  But I have learned that even after a scammer has been confronted, he will sometimes continue to make contact to maintain the persona.
Because I am trying to stay open, I message a guy who is supposedly a great match for me.  I was kind of being sarcastic because his profile name is obvious and kind of reminds me of someone from the 70's.  But then again, I was born in 1967, so I guess that's me too.  He gave me his cell number and I text him a Hi and then next thing I know my phone is ringing!  Aahhhh!  I thought we would text first and them transition into actual talking.  Although he has thrown my timeline off, I answer anyway.  Seems nice, talks about himself a lot.  He can't hear me well so I exeunt stage left by saying I'll call you when I can use a landline.  I don't really intend on calling.  I am now just as bad as every guy who ever said, "I'll call you," and didn't.  So he's #6, aka Mr. TalksaLot.  (More about him later.)
Good news!  There is a #7.  He is a chef in a local restaurant.  Funny, down to earth.  We messaged back and forth for about an hour.  I am interested in seeing what happens with this.  This is my first potential WHOA.  I tried to be cool and funny and not too much of myself.  I tend to ramble sometimes.
#3, part 3:  After thinking about this hypocrite at work today, I decide to voice my opinion in a very nice way.  HIs response is that he is not judgmental at all, just upfront about what he's interested in and not passing judgment at all.  He knows what he likes and "it is his choice to state as much."  Because I fall low on the crazy scale, I respond back with my wish for him to find someone amazing.

Wow, this has been a busy day.  Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings....

Day 4:  Saturday is a hoppin' day for online dating, apparently.  Salt N Pepa is a guy really a little older than I would normally have looked for, but he seems really amazing.  And interesting.  He is widowed and has EIGHT grandchildren!  Not exactly what I had thought about, being a grand-girlfriend at 48.  Conversely, The Young and Very Restless is a guy 10 years my junior!  I have never dated anyone younger than I am, so this is a pretty new experience.  I will give that he is a faster texter than Salt N Pepa, but with the greater experience in the tech world maybe that is to be expected.  #10 is exactly the type I go for, and it's normally a bad decision.  It's brood-y good looking meets quiet.  But we have a connection, albeit a weird one, becuase his wife passed away at about the same time as my dad died.  As i write this, I see what a really poor choice this is.  I only keep Broody Good Looking as a point of reference into what was potentially a bad choice.
Saturday is also the day I get to spend part of the day with oldest daughter in town to visit, so no more dating website.  It's way more important to spend time with my child.

Day 5:  Today has been pretty quiet.  I texted and talked to #8 and then #Mr.TalksaLot.  It was today that Mr.TalksaLot revealed that it might be hard to go on a date because he is driver license-less due to a history of DUIs.  This means I would have to do all the driving, which is really not going to work out because 1) I hate driving and 2) we live really far away from each other.  So I am going to have to tell him this is a dealbreaker.  So I decide that with the level of commitment (or lack thereof) committed into this "relationship," I can text him the bad news.

So I think the thing to do when someone says, "Hey, it's not going to work out.  You're great but just not for me," that a person below a 5 on the crazy scale would move on.  Oh no.  Mr.TalksaLot responds with a possible solution to his driverless existence:  We move in together.  AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! On so many levels is this just so wrong. I respond that I have a roommate and that wouldn't work out for me.  Oh my gosh.  Really?  I told you all, you cannot make this stuff up.

At the end of the day I hear from #9, the baby.  Brief conversation via message.

Unrelated observation:  If men used to word "cuddle" half as often as they do on dating websites, their masculinity would surely come into question.  Can we use words like "conversation" and "cultivate" (like a friendship) instead?

Day 6:  I am messaged by a really good looking man, so right away I suspect that he's a scammer.  Not that I wouldn't date a really good looking man, but that pics like this are the fodder of the scam artist.  But he is using regular American English and his IP address checks out, so I am treading carefully.  But he is very verbose about what he is looking for, kind of like running off at the mouth.  It's not that I don't want a man that talks, I do.  But three thousand-word emails in two days kind of says emotionally needy and I'm not sure I have the energy for that.
I also get to message with #7, the chef.  Ex-rugby player.  This guy is getting closer to WHOA.  Actual, meaningful discussion.
And #8, the older guy, calls me and we have conversation where we actually TALK.  He's interesting and we have similar interests and we talked about our passions.  I include Jesus in mine and and he is of the same mindset.  This also has potential for WHOA.
All this messaging and emailing and actualy conversations is tiring.  I have to get to bed early tonight.  Except that #10 is a guy that works as a nurse on night shift.  So not so early.

Day 7:  I get a text on my way to work wishing me a great day from #8 with a smiley emoji.  I respond in like manner.  Nice.
#10 the nurse wants to talk on my lunch but i go to lunch with older daughter that is in town.  It is soo good to have her here, but I am so glad that she is happy where she is.
After work, and while I'm in my small group Bible study, I get a text from Salt N Pepa wanting to know have I had dinner yet.  I say I'm in small group and will call him whenI am out.  I am kind of glad it didn't work out to go have dinner because I really would have like to have redone my makeup.  But we have a lovely talk after I get home and decide to talk tomorrow.  I am thinking this may have potential for a date.    But here's the thing:  he has an occupation that is very lucrative and I do not want to like someone for what they have.  Money and security are not good foundations upon which to build any kind of relationship.  But I haven't even met him in person, so definitely putting the #cart before the #horse.

Okay, tomorrow is publish day.  While you are reading this, I wonder if I have been too transparent and too real.  But I think that if you're going to do a diary blog, you may as well divulge as much as is appropriate.  So... who do you think has the most potential? Is Salt N Pepa too old for me? (Ten years difference.)  Is The Young and Very Restless too young?  How can I get Mr.TalksaLot to stop texting me?