Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Online Dating Diary: The Week of the Date

Aah, love.  Rewarding, yet oh so elusive.  This week has been not too far behind last week in weirdness, but in a different way.  Oh, and I have a date.  Kind of. And, as a suggestion from a reader, these fun people I meet will have a nickname instead of a number.  I admit, it is hard to keep up with who is who with a number.  But everybody remembers Mr. Talksalot, as bizarre as that was.

Day 8:  The day starts with #8 (Salt N Pepa) texting me to have a great day.  I respond in kind. 
I'm kind of nervous because I am not sure how Week 1 blog post will be received.  But as the day progresses, it seems that most people seem to have enjoyed reading it and that is a good thing.

The most eventful thing that happened today in Online Dating World is that #9 (the Young and Very Restless)  showed back up as a different  profile name and a different picture.  It seemed like a good idea to him for me to drive roughly 30 miles to his home to (and here's that word again) CUDDLE (which my friend Christine so aptly defined yesterday as, well, another physical act that is not cuddling).  I can't say no enough ways in my head but respond that I would instead love to meet him at Starbucks for a beverage.  I think this is the end of the Young and the Very Restless, because his intent is clearly not to develop a friendship.  So wish him goodbye; he's on the slab.


Day 9:  Salt N Pepa texts me.  Good morning to you as well, I text.    He is just a very nice man that seems to have good intent.  But time will tell. But lo and behold,  #10 (Night Shift) is breaking forth on the scene as the man to beat, as he is texting and calling pretty regularly.  It seems like we really have a lot in common in regards to our spiritual beliefs, which is extra cool.  We actually set a date for Sunday night!  Woo hoo! Exciting but a little nerve-wracking too. 

Day 10:  Night Shift is Johnny on the spot with the morning text and later on, we talk on the phone about 4 different times.  I look at my phone and it tells me that I have spent several hours talking to him!  What kind of seventh grade is that?  LOL!  But it's nice to talk to someone you have so much in common with.  I message a few new guys, one of which responds and wants to know if I am 420 friendly.  No, I am not.  Apparently this is a dealbreaker for him.  Keep in mind that I am only responding to men who self-identify as "Christian-Other," "Baptist," or a like denomination.  I wish I had a filter to right away "weed" out those who are 420 friendly.
Day 11:  My mom and I take a day trip to see 4 aunts, 1 uncle, and a partridge in a pear tree.  (Just kidding about the partridge.)  I find a profile that bills its owner as 69% Gentleman, 31% Bad boy.  By reading the profile, he does seem more like 50/50.  It fell apart for me when he wrote, "But I am a breast man and a Christian, not in that particular order."  And then, "I'm smarter than I look."  Oh my.  Too much information presented in a weird way and perhaps an overassumption.
This website also has a function wherein you look at a picture only and either give it a yes, meaning you want to meet this person, or a no, meaning you don't.  And there are countless men to get through.  So I start to develop criteria: 1) If the picture has the head cut off, NO.  If he has a child in the pic, YES.  Too young?  NO.  Too old? NO.  Blurry pic? NO.  Friendly smile? YES.  Weird hair?  NO.  Picture of a car only?  NO.  Picture of him and a fish? YES. Looks too much like a surly James Dean? NO, and so forth and so on. I can only imagine the criteria men come up with!  But if you YES on someone that YES'd you, you get a notification, which to me means that superficially you think the other person is okay.  Then you'd have to read the profile to see if he meets criteria then.  So after twenty minutes of swiping, I may have culled out one or two, maybe three men.  This IS elusive yet rewarding, right?  I'm not so sure.  Later, I talk to #10 when we get home from our day trip and we talk for about 2 hours.  Everything is going great. 
Day 12, Date Day:Yay church!  It's a fave.  I am so excited about my date tonight with Night Shift and I tell a friend at church who had read the blog last week about mah big date.  After church I drop by Stein Mart, the home of everything truly cute, and find a cute shirt that has my favorite style of neckline, that I can wear tonight, and I can also wear to work this summer.  Annnnnnnnd then.....I get a text from Night Shift.  He has to go to his mom's later that afternoon and can't meet me.  UGH.  DISAPPOINTMENT.  I now remember why I am not a fan of dating.  But I'm like, whatev.  Sounds pretty shifty. I meet my mom and sister and her family for lunch and the first thing out of my mom's mouth is, "I let the cat out of the bag!" (referring to the miraculous occasion of me actually going on a date) and I tell her, well, we are going to have to round that cat up because the date is OFF.  In true supportive family fashion, I am, by their advice, better off/dodged a bullet/feeling God's protection, not rejection. So I don't hear from Night Shift the rest of the day.  So back to work I go, scouting profiles and sending messages. I message 4 new people and talk to two people I had previously contacted.  Mr. New York, a previous contact, is charming and funny.  We message for quite a while.  I also message #7, (The Chef) that played rugby.  No response.  A new contact is a teacher who seems really interesting. Later, while I'm walking the dog for the last time, I message my good friend for advice about profiles.  We'll call him Don Juan.  (That's the name  he picked when I told him I was writing him into the blog as "the friend.")  So apparently I am responding well to messages and doing all the right things, from a guy's perspective. 
Day 13:  So this morning, in the parade of guys that scroll by on my dating website app, I see a cute guy and read his profile.  I get to the second paragraph and this cool profile is written by a guy who is blind.  This caused me to stop a minute and say to myself, what do I do here?  What if he is really amazing?  So I message him with my normal spiel and he responds.  He is funny and talkative and confident.  I think I would be stupid to not get to know him.  So we message and text and at the very least this is going to be an amazing friendship.  I ask stupid questions about being blind and he is totally cool.  And he makes blind people jokes.  So funny, not deprecating. 
Salt N Pepa texts me to see how my day is.  It is great.  When will I be home tonight so he can call me.  I say 6.  We'll see if he calls.  I have found that he and I will talk and then not talk for a day or two, which is fine. 
Fortunately I have not run into too many crazy people this week.  No one has asked to be my roommate this week, thank you Jesus.  But still haven't heard from Night Shift after he canceled our date, which is weird since we were talking a lot.  I guess this is his passive aggressive way of saying, I don't want to get to know you.  Fortunately, I am wearing my big girl panties and I am over it.
Day 14:  Yesterday was an interesting day.  Blind Guy apparently is in a lot of transition, ending a marriage, having his house foreclosed upon, going to college, and starting a business.  From my life, I know that a lot of transition needs a lot of focus and no distraction.  So I tell him this and he seems okay with it.  Plus, I didn't really care for the trip to the strip club he mentioned, primarily because I think it is denigrating to women and objectifies them as having one purpose.  Oh, and MrTalksaLot texted me again, to tell me I'm beautiful and how we should be friends.  Um, no.  Mr. New York texts me and has been busy with work, or in Online Dating World talk, has been pursuing other people and they didn't work out.  I know!  Harsh!  But it's a thing.  I do it. But my friend Don Juan did tell me that someone you meet online generally has a half-life of 4 days.  So basically, if nothing has happened in a week, it probably won't. 


I had several people last week comment on how long it must take to meet someone that you would actually want to date.  Never a truer truth was spoken!  It's frustrating, and to come up with a message that is a witty three or four sentences that reflects some aspect of his profile that is interesting but not too heavy is quite a task.  So next week, in addition to the drama of trying to find true love on a dating website, I am going to be highlighting the best of the worst in profiles that men have written.

Until then, gentle readers, keep your eyes open for amazing single men.  I might need some help.