Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Online Dating Diary: The young, the old and the restless

After reading my diatribe on the dangers of online dating, I got a wave of comments on facebook telling me that a bunch of people had met their spouse online and I should give it a try again.  In the interest of journalism, I am going to give it a month and will document my experiences here on the Flying Pants.  Just to let you know, I am not contacting anyone who puts their religion as 'Non-religious" or Buddhist or something like that.  To protect the innocent and not-so-innocent, instead of names I'll give them numbers.


Day 1:  I write a profile and have a message before I can finish writing it!  But it was from the site telling me about all their great features.  Good to know. I am pleasantly surprised to see a number of good-looking men my age and they seem to want to contact me as well.  I message back and forth with a few when I happen upon the profile of a long-time friend (we'll call him #1) that I thought was in a relationship.  We strike up a conversation and we end up going out that night.  Nice, fun, but I don't have a lot of expectations for it basically because I don't think he is really attracted to me, it was just fun to go out.  Oh, and today I am officially told by Mr. #2 that "we don't seem to enjoy the same things" from a different guy who wanted to know did I want to do a 50 mile bike ride Saturday and then do a 5K on Sunday? Did I also want to kayak in the ocean?  No, I do not.  I'm one of those people that if you should happen to see running, you should start running too, because a T Rex or a zombie is not too far behind. So outdoor enthusiasts are not going to be my target group.. 
Day 2:  I get a nice text from a guy (#3) that seems to be pretty great.  I give him my alternate to my  alternate email so I don't give out too much info about me personally.  And then, of course, using my own tip of CHECK IP ADDRESSES,  I see that his email originates from Singapore, not Southern California like he says he is from.  Shock and awe.  Let me go put on my surprise face.  The day was topped off by #4, who wants to be momma's bad boy and get spanked, in addition to some other things too weird for me which I will omit to make sure this blog is as family friendly as possible. Ugh.  No.  Really not. My good friend #1 calls to see how I am and basically to make sure I was not expecting a relationship to blossom from our one date. Annnnndddd.... I'm not. Today I also messaged two men that look normal and nice.
Day 3:  I wake up to two short and sweet messages (like 2 sentences) in response to messages I sent.  Nice enough, but not enough activity to warrant a number.  I did read a funny-in-a-hypocritical way profile.  This does warrant a number because I because I just found it shockingly hypocritical.  #5 starts his profile with "If you judge a book by its cover, you may miss a good read."  Frankly, his pictures he has posted would make you think he is a redneck and a half/thug, but he says he is so much more and give him a chance.  Later on in his profile, he is very clear that he works hard to stay fit (when he's really more like skinny, and frankly, everyone knows how much easier it is for men to lose weight than women), and "if you can't take care of your body like I do please don't respond. Not being mean just keeping it real."  If you mean really hypocritical, then yeah, he is keeping it real.  So I'm not supposed to judge him by what he looks like, but he can judge instantly a person's worth and value by how thin she is?  Two ideas pop into my head:  1) Anorexia much?  2) This may be indicative of other ways he is a jerk.  Regardless, he is a veteran, so I messaged him and thanked him for his service to our country.
#3 update:  I ask him why his email is coming from Singapore, and his response is that he did email someone in Singapore for business and maybe it's an internet problem.  #unlikely #scammer  Hopefully this is enough for him to not contact me again.  But I have learned that even after a scammer has been confronted, he will sometimes continue to make contact to maintain the persona.
Because I am trying to stay open, I message a guy who is supposedly a great match for me.  I was kind of being sarcastic because his profile name is obvious and kind of reminds me of someone from the 70's.  But then again, I was born in 1967, so I guess that's me too.  He gave me his cell number and I text him a Hi and then next thing I know my phone is ringing!  Aahhhh!  I thought we would text first and them transition into actual talking.  Although he has thrown my timeline off, I answer anyway.  Seems nice, talks about himself a lot.  He can't hear me well so I exeunt stage left by saying I'll call you when I can use a landline.  I don't really intend on calling.  I am now just as bad as every guy who ever said, "I'll call you," and didn't.  So he's #6, aka Mr. TalksaLot.  (More about him later.)
Good news!  There is a #7.  He is a chef in a local restaurant.  Funny, down to earth.  We messaged back and forth for about an hour.  I am interested in seeing what happens with this.  This is my first potential WHOA.  I tried to be cool and funny and not too much of myself.  I tend to ramble sometimes.
#3, part 3:  After thinking about this hypocrite at work today, I decide to voice my opinion in a very nice way.  HIs response is that he is not judgmental at all, just upfront about what he's interested in and not passing judgment at all.  He knows what he likes and "it is his choice to state as much."  Because I fall low on the crazy scale, I respond back with my wish for him to find someone amazing.

Wow, this has been a busy day.  Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings....

Day 4:  Saturday is a hoppin' day for online dating, apparently.  Salt N Pepa is a guy really a little older than I would normally have looked for, but he seems really amazing.  And interesting.  He is widowed and has EIGHT grandchildren!  Not exactly what I had thought about, being a grand-girlfriend at 48.  Conversely, The Young and Very Restless is a guy 10 years my junior!  I have never dated anyone younger than I am, so this is a pretty new experience.  I will give that he is a faster texter than Salt N Pepa, but with the greater experience in the tech world maybe that is to be expected.  #10 is exactly the type I go for, and it's normally a bad decision.  It's brood-y good looking meets quiet.  But we have a connection, albeit a weird one, becuase his wife passed away at about the same time as my dad died.  As i write this, I see what a really poor choice this is.  I only keep Broody Good Looking as a point of reference into what was potentially a bad choice.
Saturday is also the day I get to spend part of the day with oldest daughter in town to visit, so no more dating website.  It's way more important to spend time with my child.

Day 5:  Today has been pretty quiet.  I texted and talked to #8 and then #Mr.TalksaLot.  It was today that Mr.TalksaLot revealed that it might be hard to go on a date because he is driver license-less due to a history of DUIs.  This means I would have to do all the driving, which is really not going to work out because 1) I hate driving and 2) we live really far away from each other.  So I am going to have to tell him this is a dealbreaker.  So I decide that with the level of commitment (or lack thereof) committed into this "relationship," I can text him the bad news.

So I think the thing to do when someone says, "Hey, it's not going to work out.  You're great but just not for me," that a person below a 5 on the crazy scale would move on.  Oh no.  Mr.TalksaLot responds with a possible solution to his driverless existence:  We move in together.  AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! On so many levels is this just so wrong. I respond that I have a roommate and that wouldn't work out for me.  Oh my gosh.  Really?  I told you all, you cannot make this stuff up.

At the end of the day I hear from #9, the baby.  Brief conversation via message.

Unrelated observation:  If men used to word "cuddle" half as often as they do on dating websites, their masculinity would surely come into question.  Can we use words like "conversation" and "cultivate" (like a friendship) instead?

Day 6:  I am messaged by a really good looking man, so right away I suspect that he's a scammer.  Not that I wouldn't date a really good looking man, but that pics like this are the fodder of the scam artist.  But he is using regular American English and his IP address checks out, so I am treading carefully.  But he is very verbose about what he is looking for, kind of like running off at the mouth.  It's not that I don't want a man that talks, I do.  But three thousand-word emails in two days kind of says emotionally needy and I'm not sure I have the energy for that.
I also get to message with #7, the chef.  Ex-rugby player.  This guy is getting closer to WHOA.  Actual, meaningful discussion.
And #8, the older guy, calls me and we have conversation where we actually TALK.  He's interesting and we have similar interests and we talked about our passions.  I include Jesus in mine and and he is of the same mindset.  This also has potential for WHOA.
All this messaging and emailing and actualy conversations is tiring.  I have to get to bed early tonight.  Except that #10 is a guy that works as a nurse on night shift.  So not so early.

Day 7:  I get a text on my way to work wishing me a great day from #8 with a smiley emoji.  I respond in like manner.  Nice.
#10 the nurse wants to talk on my lunch but i go to lunch with older daughter that is in town.  It is soo good to have her here, but I am so glad that she is happy where she is.
After work, and while I'm in my small group Bible study, I get a text from Salt N Pepa wanting to know have I had dinner yet.  I say I'm in small group and will call him whenI am out.  I am kind of glad it didn't work out to go have dinner because I really would have like to have redone my makeup.  But we have a lovely talk after I get home and decide to talk tomorrow.  I am thinking this may have potential for a date.    But here's the thing:  he has an occupation that is very lucrative and I do not want to like someone for what they have.  Money and security are not good foundations upon which to build any kind of relationship.  But I haven't even met him in person, so definitely putting the #cart before the #horse.

Okay, tomorrow is publish day.  While you are reading this, I wonder if I have been too transparent and too real.  But I think that if you're going to do a diary blog, you may as well divulge as much as is appropriate.  So... who do you think has the most potential? Is Salt N Pepa too old for me? (Ten years difference.)  Is The Young and Very Restless too young?  How can I get Mr.TalksaLot to stop texting me?