Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Online Dating Diary - The End.

 I'm kind of getting used to this. I scroll through guys, message some, hear back from one or two. Multiply that by a half-life of 4 days, and I figure I will have talked to 28 new guys by the end of this month, which frankly is 28 more previously unknown men than I have talked to in a super long time. I'm kind of weird like that, I'm not super outgoing with men I don't know. Men I know? It's Chatty Cathy time.

I started this week with what turned out to be a very short-lived but educational venture.  My plans were to run a profile of a beautiful, skinny woman and see what kind of response it would get.  I got Don Juan to find a pic of a woman that men would find attractive.  I attached it to a short n' shallow dating profile for this fictitious person, and then just let it go.  Pretty much immediately this fictitious person had 55 people trying to contact her and twelve men messaging her.  So it may be that my bait is not catching the right kind of fish!  But I digress.  Shortly after I open it, I get SHUT DOWN.  I guess someone used that same tricks to find scams that I do!  So Hot Chick was very short-lived.

So instead, I want to tell you about this picture. This is my friend Courtney, who has also been online dating for the last month. She has also not met a single eligible man. I think you will agree that she is very pretty and I happen to know she is a professional and fun to talk to.  So it's all over the spectrum of women that are not meeting men on dating websites.

So, to this I say MEN!  GET YOUR COLLECTIVE ACT TOGETHER!  But that is too harsh.  I know that there are amazing men out there. I just know it.  But there are some men that missed out on some life training and that I blame on society.  But it's not too late to change!


As I wrap this up, I have learned a lot about myself and the general nature of people.  I think that I no longer take the cake for the Original Schmoozer.  There are some men who deserve this title so much more than I! But for as many schmoozers as there are, there is an equally sized group of men whose smooth talker Betty Crocker move is to write a message with one word, usually monosyllabic, like, "hi" or even "hi there." I'm underwhelmed.

In review, I'd like to steal a skit idea from the Tonight Show, Thank You Notes. I'd like to write some thank you notes of my own...
Thank you, "cuddling," for being the most misused word in online dating vocabulary.
Thank you, Mr TalksaLot, for being a 10 on the crazy scale and providing so much material for my blog.  Your ridiculous assumptions have brought many chuckles not only to me, but many.
Thank you, plentyoffish.com, for hosting the hopes and dreams of many single people.  And for being kind of free.
Thank you, guys I didn't like, for showing me that I can afford to be picky and date someone that is similar in values and likes.
Thank you, Salt N Pepa, The Young and Very Restless, Night Shift, and Broody Good Looking for being an amazing baptism into the world of online dating.  It's only through you that I realized that this world is pretty unpredictable and you gots to go with the punches.
Thank you, ridiculous profile lines, for your uncanny ability to reveal oh-so-much-more about the person than just what he wrote.
Thank you, Blind Guy, for introducing what will sure be the next "why did the chicken cross the road" conundrum.  Making readers wonder why a blind guy goes to a strip club has no doubt kept many a reader up at night.
Thank you, Chef Guy, Santa, Football Fan, and Chicken Farmer for being nice guys who didn't ask if I like to cuddle.
Thank you, ip2location.com, for helping me see through three wannabe scammers.
Thank you, Tow Truck, Gainesville Police Officer, No Habla Espanol, and Big Stupid for making me appreciate my time, especially since I wasted it talking to you.
Thank you, Don Juan, for making me think about this in the first place.  I hope you attract drama-free women.
Thank you, swipe right/left, for being the most shallow and superficial way to meet people.
And....
Thank you, amazing readers, for walking this road with me. 

Even though I didn't find love, or even like, I can only assume that something better is waiting out there for me. In the meantime, if you know or meet an amazing godly guy, let me know.