Wednesday, March 29, 2017

So Good News and Bad News.

Gentle reader, welcome to the 2017 Online Dating Diary.

This almost didn't happen.  I was seriously considering letting  Date Guy make me a one-man woman (see last post)  and that went down horrifically in flames because I am, quote, "a terrible person who doesn't regard other people's feelings."  (I probably should not have used quotes because that is not the actual verbiage.  But you get the idea.) We would have been going in two different directions on a very important topic and so after a fiery text message exchange, Date Guy is out of the picture.

So let me bring you up to speed.

I am already talking to Gorgeous, who is just that, and has a cute accent.  I am a little amazed that we are matched because he is just that gorgeous.  I have yet to do a Google image search on him because we talk frequently.  Another consideration is Ladies Love Country Boys, who is a business owner who has a veritable redneck paradise on the Westside -- he lives on a few acres and raises hogs for a hobby.  Also has a stable of cool toys like four-wheelers and big trucks.

Also gone from the picture recently is Green Beret, an actual Green Beret with a Bronze Heart and a passel of other cool awards who was super nice.  We seemed to enjoy talking to each other and even set a date, but he cancelled on the day of and I have yet to hear from him since.  So one of us dodged a bullet--recently.  LOL

So Gorgeous is still in the picture.  He had to go to Dubai (or so he says) for a business thing.  I'm trying hard to hang on to the fantasy that he is a real person, but like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.  I mean, I know I am not a person acquainted with global business and travel, but that just seems to be a little too made up.  But then again he keeps sending me pics and it appears to be the same person,

Interesting update:  So I do a google picture search and his pics that he has sent me don't come up as being from somewhere else on the internet, but he is a dead ringer for a Lebanese celebrity.  Since the likelihood of a Lebanese celebrity and philanthropist picking me out of a thousand women to contact on a dating website is slim to none, I'm going with this is a fake.  If I could get an email from him then I could check his email header and get the IP address and establish his location (which I am going to say IS NOT Dubai), but that hasn't happened yet.

Then there are the two men with the same name but different locations, so one will be known as Cleveland and the other, Orlando.  Orlando is pretty convinced I could be the answer to his problems,  that I could complete him, but he is in between contracts and has some loan shark issues.  TOO MUCH INFORMATION  for a 20-minute messaging blitz.  But he seems sweet, so he stays.  Cleveland is an architect from a Caribbean island-country and is a little hard to understand.  But again, nothing too weird yet and he seems nice enough. Update: Have not heard from Cleveland again, but not a huge loss considering I don't even own a real coat and definitely don't want to live in a cold place.

A self-professed Prince (that's his screen name) has a pic with a dog in sunglasses.  What's not cute about that?  Originally from Texas, he is now on a peace-keeping mission in Afghanistan.  Uh huh.  Like I haven't heard this one before.  I'm so so so so sorry if I sound jaded, but I am.  I've seen almost all of the scams that occur online; "Deployed and Destitute" is a popular scam: one of our country's finest is fighting overseas and he either: 1) had his wallet stolen and can't buy any necessities, OR  2) has a relative back home that really just needs a little help OR  3) would I mind to pay his housekeeper for the very last time she cleaned, after he left...or one of a bunch of other stories.  With all the scams out there, I feel very fortunate this time around to have at least met Date Guy, even if he did not work out.

Mr. Newark had a cute profile pic, great smile.  We started messaging and he immediately wanted to email (going off site quickly is a classic scammer move, btw).  So I give him my online dating email and sure enough, he sends me almost instantly a lengthy email all about his hopes, desires, wants, and dreams as well as a pic of his 12 year old son.  As I read through the email, red flags were going off left and right.  Colloquialisms and spellings that are distinctly British, not New Joisey.  The part that sealed the deal was his description of how he is an international petroleum broker and traveled the globe frequently.  I just can't even because of how amateur this scammer is.  Here's a little excerpt:

".I dealing  on crude Oils and building of oil platform..My work is so demanding and have made me traveled all over the USA, Saudi Arabia, Japan, the UK,China, Germany, and most frequently to United Kingdom..."

So I just responded with, "You're not even a good scammer.  Take some lessons."  And needless to say, I have not heard back from him.

Update:  Put on your surprise face.  Gorgeous' son had a birthday this last week and would I please send the son a Walmart Gift card.

UMMMMMM

NO.

I tell Gorgeous that I don't mix money and online dating. Then there is only. The sound. Of crickets......

Until the next day when he berated me for not being willing to help him to which I responded why didn't you plan ahead?  And why are you putting so much pressure on me?  OHHHHH

Orlando is absolutely the sweetest talker Betty Crocker that I have ever met and not in a skeezy way.  Like sweet for real.  He seems to really want to talk to me and he's a believer and everything.  (Or so it seems.)  But he seems really anxious to nail down that we are a thing.  And that is definitely not on my agenda for the online dating diary.

This brings us to the bad news.  But before that, I have to tell you that I have had to get on  four different dating sites to find some really random people that will be funny for the blog.  So apparently there is a glut of sincere men on dating sites now.  Who'da thunk?

I am starting to see that I am conflicted with this diary because I'm meeting men that genuinely want to have relationships.  I cannot in good conscience basically lie to them, which I feel like I am doing.  The conflict is that, completely independent of any dating website, I have developed a friendship over the last several weeks with a godly, gentlemanly, really cute guy (also not on facebook) who I'm hoping is going to want to see if we can be more than friends.  So far, so good, but I cannot in good faith do this diary when my heart is just not in it.

So you may be like Date Guy and think I am a terrible person who doesn't care about people's feelings, but this is just not for me at this time.  So here's an idea... Do this yourself!  Write your own dating diary and you'll either have fun living it or maybe meet some amazing sincere person who wants a relationship.

Live the adventure, dream the dream.  Get out there and date -- I've got your back.








Wednesday, March 22, 2017

I'm Sure Stranger Things Have Happened - Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead

If you have been a follower of the Flying Pants for a length of time, then you know I am not exactly  a supporter of online dating.  I just have personally had a pretty terrible experience.  But last year, about this time, after posting a blog entitled 10 Ways to Know Your Online Date is a Scam, I had a hailstorm of people writing and telling me that their brother's friend's mailman knew someone that had found LOVE on the internet.

So, as a response to this hailstorm, I set out to prove how hard it is to meet someone online with the Online Dating Diary posts (see a featured post to the right of this column).  I spent a month genuinely trying to contact men to make a dating connection and reported it back to you, the Flying Pants reader.

Those posts absolutely wrote themselves because I met so many weird/"interesting" men.  I still hear about Mr. Talks A Lot and the blind guy that liked to go to strip clubs.  In fact, I still hear about those posts and get requests to "do it again."

So, as we come upon the first anniversary of the dating diaries, I decided that I would take one for the team AGAIN and do another month-long dating diary.

I have to carefully choose a dating site, because I want it to be one that is reputable and gives me a reasonable chance of meeting someone while being obscure enough to not be discovered during the month.  So obvi choices like Match and Christian Mingle are out.  I did settle upon one and actually started about two weeks ago, so I could get the posts written ahead of time.

Well, the inevitable happened.

I met online and conversed with a number of men,  but there were actually FOUR men that were great and employed and normal and didn't use the word "cuddle."  So I was actually in a quandary; did I just write about them and not let them know about the blog?  Did I try to date them all?  Or do I just keep meeting people and not pursue them at all?

Well, fortunately, one rose to the top and emerged as the frontrunner.  So guess what?  I went on a date.  And I like him.

He doesn't love Trump but he's not a Democrat.  He is a little ornery but he thinks I'm pretty great; he's a talker but not super extroverted like me.  He's just the right height, is willing to try my cooking, and he loves Kentucky football and basketball.  He does not have a Facebook account, in case you wanted to try to stalk him. We're in the "so far, so good" phase and we have two other dates scheduled.

As much as I did not want to admit this, a person can find a date via online dating.  So I guess I take back everything I ever said.

So get out there and date!  I've got your back.  (By the way, I used a site called Zoosk this time.  I like it because you have to take a video to prove your pictures are really you. Give it a try if you're looking.)


Wednesday, March 8, 2017

What A Girl (and a Guy) Wants - Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead #7

Thanks, Christina.  It's easy to say what a girl wants, but then how do you find what you're looking for, whether you're a man or a woman?  They say that there's an app for everything -- wouldn't it be great to have an app where you can make your perfect person?  Go through all your options and pick out what you like and have your person delivered to you in 30 minutes or less?

Alas, dating readers, it's a inevitable truth that finding your person is nothing like that.  In fact, it's more like you pick a few things and then you have to check an option called "Surprise Me" that delivers some hidden personality quirks or baggage later on in the relationship.

But thankfully we can arrive at a consensus of physical and personality traits that are generally considered desirable.  And thanks to roughly 138 of my single friends, we can get a general idea of what a girl (or a guy) wants.

The question I posed was, "What are the top three things you are attracted to in a potential date?"

Oh my, the responses.

I'll just jump right in, and, as is my general practice, I'll give people nicknames rather than use their actual names.  So maybe it's you, maybe it's not.  If you "out" yourself, then it's all on you.

"Ladies Love a Country Boy" was probably the most prolific in his description.  The first trait was just, "physical attraction," which is highly subjective.  But he went on to add approachable, i.e., no "elitist, condescending, cold, ill-mannered, rude with claws exposed, etc., blaming every man for the he$$ someone else put her through."  And last but not least, a genuine pleasant smile and an encouraging heart, someone who is giving and sacrificial.  I happen to know several women that fit the bill!  In fact, this is also a great description for a man.  I'd date that.

Note: Ladies (and Men), we have to do better when it comes to expectations for a new relationship.  Just because you dated a jerk or jerkette does NOT mean that the next person will be the same. IF you believe that every guy is a jerk or that every woman is out to stomp your heart, you are transferring your old boyfriend or girlfriend onto the next (and may I say) unsuspecting date.  So approach each person as a brand new person.

With that said, if you are dating the same kind of person and you keep getting your heart smashed:  NEWS FLASH.  DATE A DIFFERENT KIND OF PERSON. Guys, I've seen it so many times it's almost a textbook move -- really hot girls can be totally all about themselves (refer to the crazy/hot scale from last week)..  Girls -- the best he is going to treat you is in the first few dates.  If he is not respecting you, that is unlikely to change.  How many times do you have to put your hand on a hot stove before you figure out you get burned?

"Short and Sweet" responded like I though most men would:  Honesty, Morals, Chemistry.

"Next Hemingway" wants his girl to have an active, growing faith. "Not like, 'I went to church once as a baby and have vague spiritual interest,' but real devotion to Jesus."  He also wants a sense of humor, and the ability to appreciate the simple things in life, like hanging out at a book store for the afternoon.  I just happen to know that this is a truly great guy, so he is going to end up with a really amazing wife.

This survey question did yield some drunk messaging to me, and I got to hear how wonderful I am while this man was under the influence of adult drink.  Since we have been friends for sometime, I am pretty sure I am almost as wonderful when he is sober.

General Survey Responses:  I tried to express the idea that there was no judgment for any answers, and those that felt like they could respond honestly generally put physical attraction first.

Not-So-Scientific Results:

What A Girl Wants
Spiritual Life/Loves Jesus
Kindness
Sense of Humor
Can Talk with Me
(In no particular order): Has a Job, Adult Priorities, Smile, Good Laugh, An Accent, Fit

Guys:  Please note that although a woman our age knows what good-looking is, it may not be the most important thing to her.  Having someone you really enjoy spending time with is very valuable.  And, the way that emotions are hardwired into our being, that quality of fun/ kind/ easy to talk to is going to make you irresistible!

What A Guy Wants
Sense of Humor
Personality
Be Non-Religious/ Be Spiritual (I guess you have to figure this one out on a guy-to-guy basis)
Confidence
Honesty
Courage
Kind Personality
(In no particular order):  Beautiful Eyes, Likes Animals, Pretty Face, Nice Butt, Pretty Smile, Nice Curves

Ladies:  HARSH ALERT....Just like we are hardwired to be emotional, men are always going to be attracted to what they see with their eyes.  This is fact.  So, while this may make us view  them as shallow and unappreciative of real character qualities, a man is attracted to what he sees.  So hit the gym, lose the carbs, and maybe spruce up your wardrobe with some pieces that accentuate your positive (without being skanky, of course) if you are really interested in attracting that special guy.

I would have loved to make up some names for women I talked to and I would have loved to written here what they wanted, but usually the conversation drifted to another topic and I didn't get to make notes on the conversation.  But we're generally all fabulous and want the same things.

Get out there and date!  I've got your back.

P.S. There is a pretty exciting thing about to return to the Flying Pants... stay posted for the big March 22nd reveal!






Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Dating Advice for the Definitely Not Dead, #6 -- What It Means, and What You're Looking For

So glad to be back at  my keyboard this week!  Last week was a terrible upper respiratory infection that was the bane of my existence, subsiding just now.  I hope you enjoyed the post from the online dating diary and I have exciting news about that coming soon!

But today's question comes from an inquiring female mind:
Q.  "You use that phrase 'accessible and friendly' pretty regularly (in reference to how women should act).  What exactly does that mean and how would I know what that looks like?"

A.  This is a great question!  But let's start by looking at the way things go down, as I see it: Women are either ambivalent toward dating at this age (been there, done that) or maybe a little too aggressive.  And it's not completely their fault, either.  Women who have to compete in the world of commerce have to stand up or get run over.  So it's an occupational hazard to become a go-getter, which is not a bad thing at all!

However, when it comes to dating, a woman has to reconsider her position and her approach to things.  Men are hardwired to be pursuers, hunters; anything that's too easy must not be very worthy and they only want the best.  So what's a woman to do?  Be accessible and friendly.

Note:  this video is not completely family friendly.
Accessible means that you are within their reach.  Of course, thanks to the infamous hot/crazy scale video, men are generally looking for a 7-9 on the hot scale and a 6 or less on the crazy scale.  So be where men are that you want to get to know and strategically place yourself to be in the right place at the right time.

Friendly is just that.  Be nice, think of others, talk to people.  Seriously, no one you want to date is going to be attracted to a woman who is cold and unfriendly.

Okay, short post today, but I am working on a thing that will make you glad you check your computer on a Wednesday!  By the way, don't miss a single Flying Pants by putting your email in that little box to the right.

Get out there and date!  I've got your back.