Alas, dating readers, it's a inevitable truth that finding your person is nothing like that. In fact, it's more like you pick a few things and then you have to check an option called "Surprise Me" that delivers some hidden personality quirks or baggage later on in the relationship.
But thankfully we can arrive at a consensus of physical and personality traits that are generally considered desirable. And thanks to roughly 138 of my single friends, we can get a general idea of what a girl (or a guy) wants.
The question I posed was, "What are the top three things you are attracted to in a potential date?"
Oh my, the responses.
I'll just jump right in, and, as is my general practice, I'll give people nicknames rather than use their actual names. So maybe it's you, maybe it's not. If you "out" yourself, then it's all on you.
"Ladies Love a Country Boy" was probably the most prolific in his description. The first trait was just, "physical attraction," which is highly subjective. But he went on to add approachable, i.e., no "elitist, condescending, cold, ill-mannered, rude with claws exposed, etc., blaming every man for the he$$ someone else put her through." And last but not least, a genuine pleasant smile and an encouraging heart, someone who is giving and sacrificial. I happen to know several women that fit the bill! In fact, this is also a great description for a man. I'd date that.
Note: Ladies (and Men), we have to do better when it comes to expectations for a new relationship. Just because you dated a jerk or jerkette does NOT mean that the next person will be the same. IF you believe that every guy is a jerk or that every woman is out to stomp your heart, you are transferring your old boyfriend or girlfriend onto the next (and may I say) unsuspecting date. So approach each person as a brand new person.
With that said, if you are dating the same kind of person and you keep getting your heart smashed: NEWS FLASH. DATE A DIFFERENT KIND OF PERSON. Guys, I've seen it so many times it's almost a textbook move -- really hot girls can be totally all about themselves (refer to the crazy/hot scale from last week).. Girls -- the best he is going to treat you is in the first few dates. If he is not respecting you, that is unlikely to change. How many times do you have to put your hand on a hot stove before you figure out you get burned?
"Short and Sweet" responded like I though most men would: Honesty, Morals, Chemistry.
"Next Hemingway" wants his girl to have an active, growing faith. "Not like, 'I went to church once as a baby and have vague spiritual interest,' but real devotion to Jesus." He also wants a sense of humor, and the ability to appreciate the simple things in life, like hanging out at a book store for the afternoon. I just happen to know that this is a truly great guy, so he is going to end up with a really amazing wife.
This survey question did yield some drunk messaging to me, and I got to hear how wonderful I am while this man was under the influence of adult drink. Since we have been friends for sometime, I am pretty sure I am almost as wonderful when he is sober.
General Survey Responses: I tried to express the idea that there was no judgment for any answers, and those that felt like they could respond honestly generally put physical attraction first.
What A Girl Wants
Spiritual Life/Loves Jesus
Sense of Humor
Can Talk with Me
(In no particular order): Has a Job, Adult Priorities, Smile, Good Laugh, An Accent, Fit
Guys: Please note that although a woman our age knows what good-looking is, it may not be the most important thing to her. Having someone you really enjoy spending time with is very valuable. And, the way that emotions are hardwired into our being, that quality of fun/ kind/ easy to talk to is going to make you irresistible!
What A Guy Wants
Sense of Humor
Be Non-Religious/ Be Spiritual (I guess you have to figure this one out on a guy-to-guy basis)
(In no particular order): Beautiful Eyes, Likes Animals, Pretty Face, Nice Butt, Pretty Smile, Nice Curves
Ladies: HARSH ALERT....Just like we are hardwired to be emotional, men are always going to be attracted to what they see with their eyes. This is fact. So, while this may make us view them as shallow and unappreciative of real character qualities, a man is attracted to what he sees. So hit the gym, lose the carbs, and maybe spruce up your wardrobe with some pieces that accentuate your positive (without being skanky, of course) if you are really interested in attracting that special guy.
I would have loved to make up some names for women I talked to and I would have loved to written here what they wanted, but usually the conversation drifted to another topic and I didn't get to make notes on the conversation. But we're generally all fabulous and want the same things.
Get out there and date! I've got your back.
P.S. There is a pretty exciting thing about to return to the Flying Pants... stay posted for the big March 22nd reveal!