Not the literal kind that has a cute emoji, but more of an exclamation.
I could add, gee Louise, holy guacamole, and what the higgledy piggledy.
Gentle reader, if you have not been on a dating website ever, count yourself blessed. It is an exercise in futility.
I have a friend who we shall call Strawberry Sue. She, in my humble opinion, is much cuter than I am. We're about the same age, and she has professional job and is a normal person. Yet the men that come across her feed on our shared dating website are vastly different! The ones I get leave me thinking, "Are there any bad-looking people in the world?" And thennnnnnnnn Strawberry Sue sends me some screen shots of people that she is being matched with and I am like, yeesh. So there's that part of the frustration.
The next part is a seemingly inevitable part of the online dating ritual, the “hurry up and wait." For those who have never had to walk the fiery coals of online dating, there are certain unwritten rules of not crazy. For example, if you have a mutual attraction with someone on a site, one of you will very likely message the other via the messaging service within the site. Then the other person responds. And hopefully witty banter ensues. You show off how incredibly normal you are with your like of the beach, movies, and eating out. There is absolutely no mention of cats, alimony , or politics. Then it begins. You have to wait it out. If your person does not respond for any reason, you have to wait about two days before you can write another response, perhaps something along the lines of "how's your day?" Or something totallly inane and innocuous.
So although this has been a pretty interesting week, it has been a week of hurry up and wait. Argh.
So, when last we left you on the Dating Diary, The Author was a promising candidate. We did have lunch and seemed to hit it off. But then little things like smoking, the choice to not drive a car (not because he was prohibited by law-- I asked) are going to be problematic and most likely keep us in the friend zone. But he is a brilliant conversationalist.
There was a guy from Gainesville, who we shall call Fakey McFakester, was really coming out as a front runner. He is an Army special ops guy,which normally puts up red flags for me as a potential scammer. But I thought, he could be at Camp Blanding. He talked a big talk about church and his beliefs. Things seemed to be going along swimmingly, and as we are messaging by the romantic light of an IPhone, he CASUALLY mentions, oh, I am deploying tomorrow. Right away, in my head, I'm like, no you’re not, Fakey. Since he has put me into detective mode, I ask where he is deploying to. Syria. Good call, I think in my head.
Then I go into my spiel about how I am the queen of care packages, and I would love to send him one if only he would give me his address. His response is that he'll contact me. Uh-huh. #idontthinkso. Then I said, hey, why don't you send me a test email from your .mil email? Oh, no, he can't. His position is way too secure and he can't email out for operational security. With that said, I know for sure that he is a faker. so I literally tell him to have a good trip and not choke on his fakeness. And then BLOCK.
But then there is the Piano man. He actually lives almost across the street from me, and by street I mean A1A, so it's not as close as you would think. But he is a computer guy by day, piano player and singer by night. So we exchange favorite songs and he sings Just The Way You Look Tonight and I am like Hallmark Channel swooning. We texted again today, so we shall see.
And there is yet another Mr. New York on the scene. It seems like every year there is a New York. This NY is actually living in Arizona and conveniently moving to Jacksonville in three weeks. Imagine how lucky I am! (Sarcasm). Yes, we've talked on the phone, and yes, we've exchanged pictures, but you have to have a face to face meeting before you can really ever consider this a date.
Oh, there's also a Fakey #2 in the works but I am going to let him have enough rope to hang himself. He's "out of town" on business to all places, Mexico. I don't think so. Here's a tip: most scammers are either some kind of military or some kind of architect or engineer. I don’t know why they pick architect, but I would feel safe in saying that a full 40% of scammers I have come into contact with are some kind or architect.
Wow. What a week! I will look forward to reporting back to you, the gentle reader, next Friday on the Flying pants. But don't forget about 10 Questions Monday and Flying Pants Deluxe on Wednesdays.
Get out there and date --I've got your back.