Me and Grief taking a walk

So today is a good day.

After last blog post, I was so fortunate to receive an outpouring of love from so many amazing friends.  So much.  I have such a thankful heart for youall.  It was so helpful to be able to talk about how I feel and to cry every now and then.  Maybe there's hope for me yet.  :)

But here's the thing -- every time I re-read my blog post (which I do, several times, kind of to look for errors but also to enjoy it), I cry when I get to the part about what I do have (grief, memories,etc.). It's just like this is an open wound and if I poke at it, it bleeds.  I guess it's still so fresh and I'm still living in my new normal, so it's still prone to bleed.

A few days later...
So I have learned a lesson.  The tightrope that I walk between crying and not crying does not need any further help, like trying to develop a crush I've had for almost a year.  It didn't end like I had hoped it would.  That's all I have to say about that.

So now I am going to concentrate on keeping an even keel in life and not bring in anything that would make it harder to keep an even keel.

I also learned that as difficult I find this grief thing to be, there are situations that make my problems seem small.  Reaching out to a situation like this really helped me get some perspective and see that although a hard thing, grief pales in comparison to some other problems.

Today I am going to reach out to someone who is also grieving;  I want to encourage this someone, but I also want to know that I am not the only one who has all these weird emotions and sudden cries over a random thing I see.

Irrational Fear Sharing:  I fear that this grief will make me a sad, quiet person.  Maybe not so much for that, but to think about not bouncing back and not being a people person that talks to everyone.  How would I meet people?  I hate the idea of not being the life of the party kind of person.

And yet another day later...
We have this obnoxiously large group text group for our family.  One family member shared that this is a tough day and would the family please pray for this person.  And that led to how we still have the spirit of my mom within each of us and how she left this huge legacy of love.  I'm so proud to be a part of this family. 

Thanks for reading.  Let me encourage you again to reach out to someone you know who is grieving.  Send them (or me) a funny text or GIF.  You don't have to say anything other than you are thinking about this grieving friend and how you love them.  This is really important, because a lot of grief is feeling alone or abandoned.  So go be funny!!!


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