Well, I am here to say I am through and done with grief.
I want to be rid of it. I am through with crying, I am through with feeling emotions I can't even identify. I'm done.
NOTE: The following honesty and transparency will be shocking.
I don't want to pray. I don't want to read my Bible. I don't want to hear trite sayings about grief.
A very wise person told me that it's okay to not be okay. This is a season that is just tough. And hard. And some more tough.
With that said, I did reach a breaking point (and will continue to) where all I could pray was, through my sobs, "Help me, Jesus." Have you ever been in that place? You're just so broken and have nothing to say that makes sense in your mind and all you can do is cry out for help.
He did, by the way. I can't explain it, but peace came over me in a weird and supernatural way that I can only attribute to a Heavenly Father who loves me.
I'm so glad that my actions don't affect the way God loves me. I don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit by purposefully doing the wrong thing, but my not wanting to pray and read the Bible doesn't prompt God to make a meme about how stubborn I am and post it on social media.
NOTE: I'm still a Bible-believing Christian, following after Jesus and trying to make him the center of it all.
NOTE: Still human. Prone to fail.
This is all I have today. I hope it helps someone else.