So this has been a good week.  I am not in the pit of despair, nor am I my alter-ego superhero, Super Crying Chick.

I started a part-time job.  I have a great "day job" that is very generous in its benefits; however, I see that one day I will want to replace my car, I'll want to have nice weddings for my children, etc.  One great thing about this part-time job is that I get to do the things I am best at -- greeting and welcoming people, talking to people, and shopping.  I love my full-time job, as I said, but the things I do I learned to be good at and I do not use my natural skills and talents.  But I am very thankful for it and I appreciate the work I get to do to serve churches and our staff.

But doing the things I am good at has made me feel better than I have felt in a super long time.  It's like, Wow, what are these feelings I am having??  I like this.

I have a dear friend who lost his mother this week.  I wish I could be there to support him, but he's, like, on the other end of the country.  But I remember those first days, trying to get the service together, writing a eulogy, rewriting it at midnight the night before the service, and keeping all my feelings at bay so I could give the eulogy and talk about my mom to a gathering of her friends for what may have been the last time.

Then when everyone left and I sent the girls home to take a break from death, how I crashed and vertigo took over for a few days.  Then I learned over the next few weeks that talking about my feelings would save me from vertigo.

But I'm just trying to be the best friend I know how to be and I see now how the intensity of my own grief helps me have the ability to love people more.  And that's worth it all.


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